Alone? Longing for a connection with another human being? Well, wrap a pair of severed Mickey Mouse arms around your waist, close your eyes, and try to forget what human contact felt like. You'll feel even more alone in no time!
So what exactly is a Hug-E-Gram? It's an embrace that lasts forever, like a pair of stuffed arms in a landfill. From the website:
A Hug-E-Gram lets you give your hug to someone when you can't be there! It is the hug that lasts. You will understand how very special the moment can be as the love and sentiment from you comes through… After you order, you may record a personalized message that will arrive with your Hug-E-Gram. You must follow the information given to you to record your message. If you do not record a message, our system will use one of our pre-recorded greetings.
Pre-recorded greetings include: "Your significant other loves you!" "Did you like the wooden flowers?" and "Isn't this better than a human boyfriend? Hug-E-Gram loves you."
I can't decide whether the Hug-E-Gram was created by someone very smart or someone very stupid.
Obviously, the Hug-E-Gram—a belt made from a pair of disembodied stuffed-animal arms that tells the wearer how much they are loved—is a ridiculous product. But we are living in the post-Snuggie era (I promise never to mention this era ever again) and people will buy ridiculous As-Seen-On-TV products just because they're ridiculous. As-Seen-On-TV ads are the new novelty stores, and products like the Hug-E-Gram are the new fake plastic vomit. By next week, Kathy Lee and Hoda will be chugging wine while wearing their matching Hug-E-Grams, cause aren't these things hilarious? They're a hoot! And pretty soon thousands of jokesters around the country will be sending these creepy arm-belts to friends and family just for funsies. The creator of Hug-E-Gram must have been smart enough to realize this.
Of course, the case can also be made for the creator of the Hug-E-Gram's unending stupidity. Here is exhibit A in that case:
And Exhibit B:
Of course, what else would you sell with artificial arms than a wooden bouquet of roses?