Every once in a while, a pop culture "controversy" will bubble to the surface like so many frothy vomit punchlines told by Glenn Beck, and it will fill you with a vague fog of rage. Certainly something about it makes you angry, but you're not sure what. You need to hone your ire, whittle it down to a sharp prison yard shank of emotion—and The Hater is here to help you. Together we can harness your negativity, which, as we all know, is a great source of energy. Let's Choose Your Outrage!
Yesterday, Oprah issued a decree from her massive O-shaped desk, beneath her custom O-shaped track lighting, in front of the giant, wall-size O-shaped oil painting of her dogs: "KFC wants to do a free chicken giveaway on the show to promote their Kentucky Grilled Chicken," she shouted across the O-shaped Koi pond in the middle of her O-shaped office. "Instead, let's put an online coupon for a free 2-piece chicken meal on our website for the whole nation to download and see how that goes. Oooooooprah end transmission." And so they did.
And apparently it's going pretty badly in some places. There's allegedly some kind of an impromptu sit-in going on at a KFC in NYC, and many, many complaints everywhere about long lines and coupon difficulties.
Choose Your Outrage!
The worst part about this is:
a. That it involves Oprah.
b. That it involves many pictures of that shiny, plastic looking chicken.
c. That KFC apparently has to make grilled chicken look impossibly greasy (and free) in order to get people remotely interested in eating it.
d. The coupon expressly states that the offer is good every day until May 19th except Mother's Day, which makes you picture a kid at the counter at a KFC on Mother's Day, clutching the useless coupon and looking crestfallen because his Mother's Day gift fell through.
e. This comment left on Oprah's website: "Requires Windows or Mac. So to get a free dinner I have to spend $300. Linux users are people too, but I guess we can afford dinner with the money we saved on our OS."
f. The fact that there are no local news interviews about how hard it was to get free chicken and "Oprah's KFC nightmare" yet.
g. The sneaking suspicion that this is not what The Colonel would have wanted.
h. All of the above.