America, are you ready to be inspired? Are you ready to believe that anything is possible? Wouldn't you love to feel again?

Of course you would. But how are you going to feel again without a new YouTube clip of a British talent competition? That's the only thing that can cut through the numbness!

Well you're in luck, because noted-magic-maker, Simon Cowell, has once again sent you a singing act to stir your long dormant emotions. It's a pair of twin brothers commonly known as "Jedward", and they will change the way you feel about music, reality talent competitions, and, most importantly, those giant windsocks they set up outside car dealerships. 

It's taken two American reality competitions, one Sanjaya, one William Hung, and a YouTube clip of two flat, awkward twins with Kid from Kid N Play hair, but I finally understand what Simon Cowell is trying to do: Comedy. More specifically, he's creating his own version of Eurovision. See, American Idol, America's Got Talent, and presumably whatever this X Factor show is, are all ostensibly about finding the "best" act by letting the acts perform in the most bombastic way possible, thus leading to a parade of ridiculousness. Similarly, Eurovision is about finding the "best" song in Europe by letting each country present their song in the most show-stopping way possible, thus leading to a river of campiness.


Either that, or, with X Factor, Simon Cowell is trying to answer the eternal question, "What is Euro?" And, frankly, with this clip he's done a pretty good job. The proud tackiness, the palpable otherness, the patently ridiculous choice of the song "She Bangs" in 2009—it's just so Euro, the fact that any of them could speak English was startling. It's like a clip of an interstitial musical number from an Italian variety/game show circa 1999. I half-expected a fat guy dressed up like a hobo to shuffle on stage after the Jedward performance and yell, "Avanti!"  Maybe next season.