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Weeds: "Van Nuys"

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Hey all: do not adjust your TV Club computer screens—Todd is off this week and I'm picking up for him on Weeds, a show I follow dedicatedly although am still unsure about after all these seasons.


So, if you're the kind of person who is sensitive to jokes about abortion, multiple abortions, Asperger syndrome and autism, then the first ten minutes or so of tonight's episode of Weeds were not for you. If, however, you like congratulating yourself on how edgy, jaded black comedy makes you feel exquisitely modern and blasé, then you would have wet your pants with glee. If you fall somewhere in the middle like me, you wonder why lines like "My point is….science!" have to get buried in a barrage of "look how far we can irreverently push the envelope" dialogue.

All this "hoovertown" hilarity ensues on when Nancy visits the ob-gyn with Andy and becomes aware of the fact, thanks to a teenager and a helpful doctor (played by Alanis Morissette) that it’s not too late to terminate her pregnancy. Andy encourages her to do this by reminding her of evils in the world such as Somali pirates, credit default swap and American Idol. I know Andy has ulterior motives for Nancy not wanting to carry Esteban's baby and that he can be less than sensitive at times but it seemed a little egregiously callous of him to place his face two inches from Nancy's and say "You have to get rid of this baby. Flush it." But that's my issue with this show: most of the time everyone on the show needs a kick in the cock/vagina, medically administered or otherwise.


After Nancy returns from the doctor with some fresh herbs to combat her pregnancy-induced heightened sense of smell, she discovers Celia squatting in her garage. As Todd noted last week, it's unclear what she's doing in this show anymore: each episode she's either coming into or emerging from some fresh random hell. As she explains to Nancy, "I just lose and lose and lose." I'm not sure why she thinks that sticking around Nancy will eventually help her get on her feet, but there she is.

Meanwhile, in a rapid character development, Shane has gone from confused to troubled to hateful. Understandably angry after getting jacked by his teacher Mr. Sandusky, Shane tracks him down in his crummy little apartment where Ignacio punches the teacher in the back, Isabelle steals his theremin (the fact that he owns and plays one makes him instantly sympathetic to me) and Shane shoots and kills his bird.


Silas and Doug's foray into medical marijuana dispensing is further teased out, as they investigate working with an agent nicknamed "The Wizard," played by character actor James Urbaniak, who we don't see much of so far except that he, like everyone else in the world, has a low tolerance for Doug's jackassery. Doug ruins negotiations with the Wizard but I'm sure we'll see more of him later.

I really haven't been feeling the plotline of Andy having to pretend to be Judah in order to obtain money from Margaret, the crazy online gaming mage bank teller. Once again though, Andy got one of the best lines of the episode. Recreating her first date with Judah at a fondue restaurant, including wearing an 80's outfit that read more American Girl doll than Molly Ringwald, Margaret discusses her active imagine and Andy laments, "I can't remember the last time I imagined anything."


Back at the house, Nancy hears Shane playing the theremin. After Isabelle starts to lie about them "finding" it, Shane says, either with disdain or pride, that there's no need to lie, and Nancy once again remembers that she's Shane's mother and attempts to intervene, upbraiding Ignacio for helping Shane rob his teacher. I like sarcastic Ignacio, who says "I am SO sorry that I exposed him to the world of criminal activity." Get her, Ignacio!

Back at the soon-to-be-dispensary, Doug and Silas duke it out after Doug is behaves in his too-ridiculously-stupid-and-obnoxious-to-be-believed manner and the two exchange insults sort of the way Doug and Andy did in the previous season over Maria. They make up, and Silas comes out as the winner of this episode for most responsible and mature.


You might think that Celia watching and chatting with the men who came to dispose of Sucio's recently-discovered body would be the most repulsive thing to go on this episode, but you’d be wrong; that would be Andy having to talk himself into boning Margaret, doggy-style, under the pier as homeless men retched and shat around them. Again: the Margaret storyline is more icky-weird (and boring) than funny-odd to me.   You know, Andy schtupped a lady once with his foot, so I’m not sure why he’s suddenly so coy.

Nancy resdiscovers her own particular brand of vigilante justice, meanwhile, forcing Shane to bring Mr. Sandusky his stuff back, but choking him with a baseball bat when he threatens to give Shane an F. Nancy grounds Shane and tells him "No Tweetering," because obviously all his time online is what's caused him to go so awry. Back at the house, Celia finds HER own brand of vigilante justice, showing Nancy photos she took of Sucio's removal and threatening to blackmail the "selfish pregnant cunt." Hey, her words not mine.


Despite her best efforts, Nancy's herbs all die (an "inside job") according to Andy, who now has the money after forcing himself to do it under the pier. He tries to convince Nancy that it's time to pack it up and flee—she can write Esteban a Dear Juan note like "in olden times." I know I'm supposed to concentrate on Andy saying "We're a family…we could be more, I'd like to try it" but I thought it was more poignant when he told Nancy point-blank that "fucking Armageddon" always comes down on her because she always makes it so. Each time Nancy confronts this fact she cries and then does nothing about it. Which is how she comes to write Andy the goodbye note and takes Shane in to move in with Esteban. Not exactly parent of the year material, again, although I would be interested in seeing Esteban's point of view when it comes to childrearing.

Grade: B-

Stray observations:

—“Mormon face” is not exactly an insult but is a great way to describe the looks of the kid who plays Silas.


—"Seacrest" is an awesome name for a cockatoo.

—Or is it cockatiel?


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