Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, January 9. All times are Eastern.
College Basketball: St. John’s at Georgetown (FS1, 6:30 p.m.): In the immortal words of The Lonely Island and tonight’s headline, “we like sportz and we don’t care who knows.” And just so all you non-jocks know, the “z” is intentional. First up on the sporty docket is college basketball, with St. John’s Red Storm taking on the Georgetown Hoyas. The Hoyas beat the Red Storm in both of their meetings last season, so this time, it’s personal. Or at least all about sweet, sweet revenge.
College Football Playoff National Championship: Clemson at Alabama (ESPN, 8 p.m.): On ESPN, we’re keeping it collegiate but switching over to football, as the Clemson Tigers go head to head with Alabama’s Crimson Tide for the CFB National Championship. The Crimson Tide are unbeaten this season, so the Tigers have their work cut out for them. We mean, it’s literally a 14-0 record against a 13-1 record, so it’s not a big gap, but still: One of these teams has been winning everything. That makes them the favorite, and you don’t even have to like “sportz” to know that. Plus, sweet, sweet revenge is in the mix here as well, as these two teams met in the CFB National Championship last year, and Alabama beat Clemson 45-40.
WWE Monday Night Raw (USA, 8 p.m.): Ah yes, the sports entertainment portion of the evening. WWE legends Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker (a SmackDown! Live superstar) are scheduled to make return appearances on tonight’s New Orleans show, probably to promote “The Road To WrestleMania” but really to boost Raw ratings and get in some cheap plugs. Kyle Fowle just hopes this week’s show is an improvement over last week’s “same old” show. He’s optimistic that way.
Premieres and finales
The Artful Detective (Ovation, 7 p.m.): It’s the Murdoch Mysteries, baby. Assuming you have more information about this show than can be gained from one of Kristian Bruun’s Comedy Bang! Bang! podcast appearances, this might be important information for you. Canadian import The Artful Detective (again, also known as Murdoch Mysteries) returns for its 10th season tonight with “Great Balls Of Fire, Part 1.” Before you ask, no, neither Jerry Lee Lewis nor Dennis Quaid is any part of this. “Murdoch investigates the murders of two young women, but a massive inferno consumes Toronto and complicates the case.” Eek. This is why people prefer Vancouver—no massive infernos in sight. Just DC superheroes.
Timber Creek Lodge (Bravo, 8 p.m.): “Not My First Hall Pass,” huh? Well, that’s not an interesting sequel title for that Owen Wilson-Jason Sudeikis movie; it’s the title of this Timber Creek Lodge episode. In the episode, which is in a new time slot for the series, “Mark’s past comes to light, shocking a homesick Jenna. Also, wealthy Texans arrive and want a Lone Star experience, pushing Mark to the limit and stirring up drama; Colston connects with a guest; and Cynthia launches an investigation following a Tinder date.”
Fashion Police (E!, 8 p.m.): You’ve probably rebounded from your 2017 Golden Globe Awards hangover by now, just in time to watch the Golden Globes edition of Fashion Police. Way to go.
Texas Cake House (Food Network, 9/9:30 p.m.): In this Food Network Special, prepare to experience cakes… Texas style. First, you can “Viva Cakes!”: “A cake with a fun piñata design is made for the Mexic-Arte Museum in the series premiere, which also includes an eye-popping dog design created for an animal shelter’s charity auction.” Also, you like beer? Then you’ll like an “Animal Cake House” (it’s like an Animal House but with cake, so “Animal Cake House”): “A local craft brewery hire Natalie and Dave to create a special cake to pair with beer. Also: The couple work on making a realistic-looking snake for the Texas Reptile Zoo’s Crocktober event.”
Vanderpump Rules (Bravo, 9 p.m.): What ever have we all done to deserve a two hour episode of Vanderpump Rules? Nothing—we’ve done nothing. Instead, the episode (“Summer House Rules”) is all about what Stassi has done: been born. “Stassi’s birthday trip continues at a Montauk clambake, where potential new bachelors emerge and seafood blunders unfold. Also, Lala at last resurfaces. Later, sparks fly at a summer house, with Stassi alone in a hot tub with a handsome New Yorker.”
Big Fan (ABC, 10/10:30 p.m.): Tonight, ABC premieres its “new comedic game show” from Jimmy Kimmel (spawned from his late-night show), Big Fan. The premise? “Hosted by Andy Richter, each episode of the half-hour, studio-based game show will feature one celebrity and three of his or her fans battling it out to prove who is the ultimate super fan.” In the first of two back-to-back episodes, “Matthew McConaughey goes up against a few of his biggest fans to see who knows more about Matthew McConaughey - him or them.” Then, “three football buffs step up to challenge Green Bay Packers’ Aaron Rodgers.” Surely none of the show’s portrayals of superfandom will come across as mean-spirited…
Happy Endings, “Kickball 2: The Kickening” (Amazon Video/Google Play/Hulu/iTunes/Vimeo/Vudu): This pick is for all the true sports fans in the metaphorical building. As for you TV nerds: How annoying is it that everything puts this episode in the middle of season three? It’s a holdover from season two, people.