I don’t know why you all are having such a hard time accepting our new Under The Dome overlords. Why must you fight so much? It must be exhausting. Just give up and accept it! Aren’t things a lot better now? Just look around Chester’s Mill. The town has never been in such good shape, and this never-ending construction project at the town hall is keeping everyone busy. Oh here, and have some of this sticky stuff I scraped off off the cave walls. It’s kind of a smoothie. No really, it’s good. And you’ll have so much energy afterward!

I mean, just the fact that Big Jim and Julia are refusing to get in line indicates that the herd is the side to be on, right? They’re such upstarts, you have to expect that from them. And do you really think they’ll make a good team? They were shooting at each other just a few episodes ago! Julia isn’t even bright enough not to tell Christine her whole plan the second she gets out of the car. And the Alaska story from Bird Island helped clear up a few things: The alien egg is the ultimate energy source, even though it comes with an infectious herd mentality. Oh, that reminds me, have some brewed cattle feed. I stayed up all night making it for you.

That sepia-tinged footage courtesy of mad scientist Frank Whaley was convincingly vintage, and the lemming scientists jumping off the top of buildings effectively creepy. Good thing we’ve got a leader like Christine to follow! Sure, she led some people to murder (Barbie killing Pete with a baseball bat) and suicide (Abby) this week, but they deserved it. They were hurting the herd. She’d never do that to us. You just have to trust her. Just ask Junior, you know Junior, right? You have to admit that Christine has really pulled the town together with her leadership. And it’s refreshing (and fun!) to sleep out here in the open air with everyone in tents instead of our perfectly good houses.

Who are you going to listen to instead? That whiney Norrie and simplistic Joe? They pushed Hunter off the roof, and when he was clearly unconscious, asked him if he was okay! And Norrie’s under the delusion that she still lives in America! Ha ha, when we have a whole new way of government under the dome. We call it a kinship. Sure, call it a hive, call it a herd, call it whatever you like. We need it to help the dome survive, otherwise it will harden and we’ll all suffocate. At least, that’s what Christine said to whoever she’s talking to on her voice recorder. Isn’t it better to be a soulless pod person than a lifeless body? What do you mean, what’s the difference?

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And you know that Frank Whaley is an evil scientist. Why, having a knife put to poor Indy’s throat was the most disturbing thing we’ve ever seen on this show, and we’ve seen Junior and Christine have sex. He thinks he’s so funny with his “You’ll be free as a bird” line, then trapping Big Jim in a giant bird cage. Sure, they let the dog go: for now. But how long can that last? And what will happen now that Christine’s on Bird Island? I bet she’ll kick that place into gear as well. Do you remember Chester’s Mill having a Bird Island before? Me neither.

But here’s how great a leader we have: Christine is already planning for her successor! She gave Eva some of that precious oxytocin (although if it’s such a “finite and precious” resource, she sure seems to be handing it out and licking it up an awful lot), and now, like me, Eva can’t even remember what she was fighting about: “I’m sorry I questioned you before; it seems so simple now.” Which is fortunate, as Eva and Barbie’s offspring will be the new hive, sorry, kinship leader that will eventually take over for Christine. I mean, it’ll be awhile, probably not until the kid is at least out of pre-K.

And speaking of looking forward, it looks like we have meteors and explosions and all sorts of exciting stuff coming up. Some people can see their alien reflections in windows! Cool! This is all bound to lead somewhere now, I just know it! I’m sure glad I learned to stop worrying and just love Under The Dome. You should too. Now, where’s my cattle feed mug?

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Stray observations

  • Barbie and Pete talking about their military service right as they walk underneath an American flag. Under The Dome is about as subtle as a hand grenade.
  • Big Jim: “So what, you know, hypothetically, just spitballing here, if something happens to the egg?”
  • Big Jim, how are you going to kick Christine’s ass “out of Chester’s Mill”? Have you forgotten where you are? You’re in the dome, baby.
  • Barbie: “I can’t be with someone who’s not going to talk with me.”
  • Christine: “Remember when you told me you thought something was growing inside you?”
  • Man, Christine’s Vulcan mind control would be handy. “You know what you should do, you should give me a million dollars.”
  • Thanks to Scott Von Doviak for my annual summer sojourn into Chester’s Mill for a few weeks. I’m serious, I’m probably going to keep watching this now. At least until the meteor explosion. Well played, Dome!

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