Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, November 4. All times are Eastern.
Kingdom (DirecTV, 9 p.m.): Regular coverage, here Kingdom comes. “‘Nate finds his problems compounded after his loss and Jay spins out of control in his pursuit of Laura. Lisa explores what her future will look like when her baby arrives.” Unfortunately for your friendly neighborhood What’s On Tonight contributor, the first episode of Kingdom to be under the regular coverage umbrella is the one episode that doesn’t have its characters doing business; though the Lisa plot is sort of in line with this season’s pattern of having characters plan things. There’s always the rest of the season, as Danette Chavez will be reviewing Kingdom weekly from now on.
Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.): In “Play To Win,” a lot of things happen: “Thirteen shocked castaways come together for the largest merge ever. Also, history repeats itself for two feuding castaways, and the season’s first individual immunity challenge is a classic game of balance” After last week’s episode took the title of “best episode of the season,” this week’s has a lot to live up to. Will it really play to win, Carrie Raisler? Will it?!?
Empire (Fox, 9 p.m.): “The Lyon cubs are lost on an all-new Empire.” As easy as it is for Empire to do lion/Lyon puns on a weekly basis, we always applaud it for having a little restraint on that level—until this week’s episode synopsis. Also, “Lucious and Cookie must put aside their differences and work together as parents to protect their family and keep them out of danger.” Alright, we’re not telling anyone how to do their jobs, but this could literally be in the synopsis for every single episode of Empire, or at least 90 per cent of the episodes. Hopefully Joshua Alston will address our issues in his review.
American Horror Story: Hotel (FX, 10 p.m.): This week’s American Horror Story: Hotel episode is titled “Room Service.” Get it? Room service. Because they’re in a hotel, you see. You get it. “Alex uses an unconventional treatment to save a dying patient. A Halloween-hating couple tests Iris’s limits.” This almost makes it sound like American Horror Story: Hotel is a normal show, but we have a bad feeling that said unconventional treatments and limit testing are very, very abnormal (and bloody). Good luck, Emily L. Stephens.
You’re The Worst (FXX, 10:30 p.m.): This week’s Stephen Falk-penned and directed episode of You’re The Worst is titled “LCD Soundsystem.” It’s a title that says both everything and nothing at all. Luckily, Vikram Murthi’s review will just say everything.
Casual (Hulu, midnight)
Adventure Time (Cartoon Network, 8 p.m.)
Star Wars Rebels (Disney XD, 9:30 p.m.)
The League (FXX, 10 p.m.)
You may have noticed that there is no new episode of The Middle tonight, and we’re as sad as you are about that. But you can fill that hole in your heart by reading Brandon Nowalk’s For Our Consideration piece about the beautifully earnest coming out moment in this season’s “Risky Business.”
On a less heartwarming note, you can also check out Vikram Murthi’s pre-air review of AMC’s upcoming martial arts drama, Into The Badlands.
We Bare Bears (Cartoon Network, 7 p.m.): Panda’s got a video chat date with “a lovely French woman,” and that means he has to show off his own lovely side. Oh bear. (Like “oh dear” but with bears.)
The 49th Annual CMA Awards (ABC, 8 p.m.): We’re at 49th annual status, so you know what you’re getting yourself into if you choose to watch all three hours of this award show. That includes the eventual Nashville episode that awards Rayna James every award for her boring songs. And she hasn’t even had any songs this season. (Even when Nashville is off the air for a week, we find a way to talk about Nashville.)
Tia Mowry At Home (Cooking Channel, 8 p.m.): “Season 2 begins with Tia competing in a cook-off against her husband Cory. The couple both prepare shrimp entrées and desserts made with bananas.” You know, normal husband-wife behavior.
Cutthroat Kitchen (Food Network, 8 / 9 p.m.): If you want some Cutthroat Kitchen, you’re getting some Cutthroat Kitchen—two episodes of Cutthroat Kitchen, even. First up, “the secrets to surviving even the most wicked sabotages are revealed,” and we realize we’re not quite sure what Cutthroat Kitchen is about. Then, in “Superstar Sabotage: Knife, Knife Baby” (part one of five), “culinary superstars compete” in a way to make us even more confused: “An English breakfast is made while wearing knight armor; being strapped toe-to-toe offers an extreme challenge when executing a tofu dish; and an angel food cake is whipped up under devilish conditions.”
Rosewood (Fox, 8 p.m.): Tell us about the “Policies And Ponies,” Rosewood: “When Captain Hornstock becomes the prime suspect in his third ex-wife’s murder, he turns to the only two people he can trust to prove his innocence, Rosewood and Villa, forcing them to repair their severely damaged relationship in hopes of clearing his name.” First of all, the fact that Hornstock has at least three ex-wives obviously makes it easy for him to be framed for murder. That’s on him. Second of all, we’re only six episodes in and Rosewood and Villa already have a “severely damaged relationship.” Come on, Rosewood.
Hellevator (GSN, 8 p.m.): In “House of Trapped Souls,” this week’s episode of Hellevator, “a group of three enter a house built atop a field containing the bodies of the state’s worst criminals.” Nope. Nope. Nope. It’s November—nay, it’s Nopevember.
The Mysteries Of Laura (NBC, 8 p.m.): Ladies and gentlemen, we have done it. We have officially achieved peak MomCop/CopMom, with the episode title “The Mystery Of The Maternal Instinct.” Go home, everyone.
My Big Fat Fabulous Life (TLC, 8 p.m.): Every show just has to have a live episode (or episodes) these days, and now My Big Fat Fabulous Life is getting in on that, with “Whitney Live: #NoBS.” Look forward to “a dance party with the Big Girl Dance Class,” as well as “the results of a viewer poll to choose Whitney’s tattoo.” And look forward to it being live.
Criminal Minds (CBS, 9 p.m.): What exactly should we expect from an episode titled “Pariahville”? “When a woman is murdered in a small town in Florida inhabited entirely by sex offenders, the BAU faces a community full of suspects.” Judge us if you must, but the combination of that title and synopsis just sold us on this episode completely. We were only mostly sold when it was just the title.
Supernatural (The CW, 9 p.m.): “Thin Lizzie” is the name of the game. Well, it’s the name of the episode; the game is more related to “a series of murders at a local B&B that also happens to be Lizzie Borden’s old home.” This actually sounds like something old school Supernatural would focus on, and based on last week’s episode—that was way better than it had any right to be—we’re willing to give this the benefit of the doubt. Even though it also looks like the Lizzie Borden stuff will be explained away by current mythology stuff.
Little Women: LA (Lifetime, 9 p.m.): Part two of the reunion special is tonight. It’s part two of a reunion special.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC, 9 p.m.): This week, Law & Order: SVU’s back, and it wants to give all of its viewers something akin to “classic SVU”: “The SVU investigates an unraveling web of secrets when the virtuous 13 year-old daughter of a famous reality TV family discovers she’s pregnant.” Back on track, SVU. Back on track.
Nova (PBS, 9 p.m.): Part one of Nova’s three-part special on the history of North America is tonight, covering everything “from how [North America] was created to the evolution of life on the continent.” Get on it, nerds.
Ghost Hunters (Syfy, 9 p.m.): In “Innocent Until Proven Dead,” Ghost Hunters gets on our bad side by naming its episode “Innocent Until Proven Dead.”
Overhaulin’ (Velocity, 9 p.m.): “In the final season premiere, the guys take on Amber Heard’s ‘67 Mustang with help from Johnny Depp.” This show has apparently been on for eight seasons.
Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles (Bravo, 10 p.m.): At no point in this episode synopsis does it mention “the British,” so we’re not really sure this is an actual episode of Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles.
Code Black (CBS, 10 p.m.): Sure, doctor things happen in this episode of Code Black, but we’re mostly hooked on the guest stars. Let’s count ‘em: Veep’s Kevin Dunn, Hart Of Dixie’s Cress Williams, Beverly Hills 90210’s Gabrielle Carteris, UnREAL’s Shiri Appleby, and Battlestar Galactica’s Michael Trucco.
Are You The One? (MTV, 10 p.m.): Hehe. “Peanut Butter And Jealous.”
Chicago P.D. (NBC, 10 p.m.): “A Dead Kid, A Notebook, And A Lot Of Maybes” isn’t just a delightfully specific episode title—it’s the title of this week’s Chicago P.D. episode. “Intelligence sets out to find a missing teenaged boy who they believe poses a serious threat to the students at his wealthy school after finding disturbing drawings in his notebook.” The main episode itself sounds pretty interesting, but the fact that whoever wrote the episode synopsis appears to believe Eamonn Walker’s Chief Boden (of Chicago Fire) is “a prominent African-American police Captain” and not, you know, a prominent African-American fire Chief worries us.
The Brain With David Eagleman (PBS, 10 p.m.): “Learn how the brain navigates the thousands of conscious and unconscious decisions made every day.” Do it. Learn!
Paranormal Witness (Syfy, 10 p.m.): “Three brokenhearted women renting an old house together seek a fresh start, but instead get what they believe is a supernatural tormentor who is preaching about hell and brimstone.” Obviously, this is the episode of television to watch when you want to wind down on a Wednesday night.
Coach Charming (TLC, 10 / 10:30 p.m.): Coach Charming is about “a small-town Alabama attorney moonlights as an in-demand adviser to aspiring pageant contestants in this reality series.” Interesting, TLC. But how this not a mid-2000s romantic comedy?
Watch What Happens: Live (Bravo, 11 p.m.): Tonight in all things happening live we have Leah Remnini—who’s SP-ing all over the place with her details about the world of Scientology—and Gloria Estefan.
Late Night Joy (TLC, 11 p.m.): Sure, with a name like Late Night Joy, we expect something dirty from whatever this show is. But then the title of this series premiere is “Sherri Shepherd Talks Divas & Divorce,” and that sounds less dirty and more… Sherri Shepherd talks divas and divorce.
Rumble In The Bronx (AMC, 8 p.m.): In case you were wondering where Jackie Chan is at right now, you can start your investigation with this 1995 gem. Street gangs and thieves!
My Teacher’s Wife (Flix West, 8 p.m.): Speaking of 1995, this is also a movie from that year, though it wasn’t released until 1999. In case you want something to watch while you get Wednesday Wasted, this is that something: “A youth falls for his gorgeous math tutor the summer before he is set to attend Harvard. However, he is shocked to learn that his new love is married to his overbearing high school math teacher.” The youth is Jason London. The gorgeous math tutor is Tia Carrere. The overbearing high school math teacher is Christopher McDonald. Jeffrey Tambor and Zak Orth are also in this movie:
Get Over It (Flix West, 9:30 p.m.): If you consider yourself a connoisseur of late ‘90s/early 2000s teen movies, then you definitely have an opinion on 2001’s Get Over It. Either it’s a highly underrated classic or it killed the genre. Even if you don’t consider yourself a person with any of the above opinions, you can still have opinions on this end credit sequence:
Women’s Volleyball: Missouri at Texas A&M (ESPNU, 6 p.m.)
NBA Basketball: Knicks at Cavaliers (ESPN, 8 p.m.)
College Football: Ohio at Bowling Green (ESPN2, 8 p.m.)
NBA Basketball: Magic at Rockets (FSN, 8 p.m.)
NHL Hockey: Blues at Blackhawks (NBC Sports, 8 p.m.)
The Ultimate Fighter (FS1, 10 p.m.)
NBA Basketball: Clippers at Warriors (ESPN, 10:30 p.m.)
WWE NXT (WWE Network, 8 p.m.)
Impact Wrestling (Destination America, 9 p.m.)
Ring Of Honor (Destination America, 11 p.m.)
The Grinder: How could you possibly miss Christina Applegate get her Grinder on?