A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.

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Padma Lakshmi’s surprisingly engrossing memoir/tell-all/cookbook, Love, Loss, And What We Ate. All celebrities should write their own dishy tell-alls with recipes for dishes.

Jessica Biel’s pun-tastic kids restaurant, Au Fudge. Apparently, the only thing that kids like more than fudge is forced whimsy!

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A&E’s manipulative prison survival reality series, 60 Days In. Instead of Naked And Afraid, it’s just Afraid And Afraid.

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NBC’s completely undramatic, un-heartfelt drama about a heart surgeon, Heartbeat. If you think watching Melissa George perform a heart transplant is entertaining, just wait till you see her running around a hospital screaming, “I’m not leaving without my heart!”

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McDonald’s participation in the annual greening of the beverages, the Shamrock Shake. The perfect beverage for those who exist in the middle of the Venn diagram of People Who Eat At McDonald’s and People Who Love The Taste Of Toothpaste.

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Alien Vs. Predator’s superhero sequel, Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice. This is what the glut of superhero movies has wrought—two franchises literally fighting each other in one movie.

The thoroughly unnecessary continuation of The Real World franchise, The Real World: Go Big Or Go Home. Everyone go home. No one wants to know what happens when people stop being polite and start playing truth or dare in a cheesy apartment in Vegas.

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