A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.
The new (old) Poltergeist. If any movie is crying out for a reboot, it’s one whose tagline is “They’re back.”
Olive Garden’s forthcoming “breadstick sandwiches.” So we’re about a month away from all their pasta being replaced with shredded breadsticks.
Lifetime’s The Secret Life Of Marilyn Monroe. Unless this movie reveals Marilyn’s never-discussed career as an astronaut, there are probably not enough Marilyn secrets left to fill a miniseries.
Dispatches from Cannes. Every year, celebrities go to France to get booed on their way to sponsored yacht parties, and we pretend it has something to do with film.
NBC’s thoroughly unnecessary Manson mini-series, Aquarius. Was this one of the musicals within the musical on Smash?
The Electric Daisy Carnival. The only thing worse than a rave is a three-day-long rave in a stadium in 2015. The smell of sweaty reams of plastic kandi bracelets must fill the air for days afterward.
The dueling bachelorettes on The Bachelorette. Turns out there is something more pathetic than competing to win a Neil Lane engagement ring from a future Dancing With The Stars contestant: competing to win the honor of being the only sequin dress in a house full of tools.