A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.

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The only podcast that actually gets more interesting week-to-week, Serial. So many mysteries yet to be solved: Did Adnan do it? Where is Don? Will that person ever learn how to say “Mail Chimp”?

The trailer for Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. Now with more mall!

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People’s annual unveiling of the “sexiest man alive.” Every year, People magazine gives grandmothers and grandaunts everywhere a reason to write them a letter expressing their overwhelming feelings of either confirmed or thwarted mom-lust.

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The return of TLC’s polygamy programming, My Five Wives. Judging by this show and Sister Wives, engaging in polygamy means signing up for a life of buying groceries in bulk, using feeling words when arguing, and boring audiences to tears.

Progressive’s disconcerting “Flo’s family” commercials. It’s one thing to buy insurance from a woman in a white apron who lives in a Gattaca-like void, but it’s quite another to buy insurance from Flo’s version of the Klumps.

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The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part One collection for Hot Topic. Seems about right: Nothing says dystopian nightmare like shopping at the premier store for mall goths since 1992.

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The American Music Awards. The only thing worse than the flashing, pulsating hellscape that is MTV’s Video Music Awards is a milquetoast copy of the VMAs (with added Pitbull). The AMAs are the VMAs for homeschooled children who don’t have cable.