A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.

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M. Night Shyamalan’s surprisingly creepy, The Visit. The twist is that it’s actually a decent found-footage horror movie!

Bravo’s international-incident-waiting-to-happen, Ladies Of London. “Ladies” is British for “housewives.”

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The return of Surge soda. It’s not a real Mountain Dew knock-off unless it dyes your tongue nuclear-waste-green!

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Tyra Banks’ completely unnecessary return to daytime talk shows, FABLife. “What if I had my own version of The Talk? But with, like, just Chrissy Teigen and me?!” Tyra smi-yells into the vast, uncaring abyss.

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The semi-annual return of The Voice. Just when you think the reserves of aspiring trillers and yell-singers have been completely exhausted, the musical chairs spin around again and again and again until Blake Shelton melts into a pool of flannel and chewing tobacco.

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Infiniti’s sad nod to National Lampoon’s Vacation. Tagline: “Everything gets old, and life is generally unsatisfying, so why not drive an Infiniti?”

The part-segway, part-unicycle, all-douche mode of transport, Swag Boards. This ain’t your momma’s Razor scooter. It’s waaaay more expensive.

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