A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.

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The return of Syfy’s imminently watchable Project Runway-but-for-special-effects-makeup-show, Face Off. The first reality show where the phrase “working with latex” doesn’t have revolting connotations.

Sprint’s idiotic David Beckham commercials. “Ask about unlimited data plans like Beckham” is the new “bend it like Beckham.”

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ABC’s sweatier, more humid Bachelor, Bachelor In Paradise. Of course, “paradise” here means “tropical resort filled with cameras and professional reality-show losers.”

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The CMA Music Festival. Ain’t nothing more country than walking a red carpet to sing about pick-up trucks and whiskey in a prime-time special on ABC.

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TLC and Roma Downey’s attempt to revive the most boring part of Unsolved Mysteries (re-enactments of “miracles”), Answered Prayers. Imagine the scandal when people realize Roma Downey isn’t actually an angel.

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Deep-fried Starbucks coffee, and other state fair food piles. Nothing says “summer” like going to the state fair and chewing your way through something that is normally a liquid.

TLC finally canceling 19 Kids And Counting only to announce an upcoming “survivors of abuse” documentary, featuring… wait for it… the Duggars. The only acceptable way any of the Duggars should be on television now is if they defect from the family to star in their own special called I Survived Being A Duggar.

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