A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.

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The return of the only reality competition worth watching, RuPaul’s Drag Race. Seven seasons, and it’s still the queen.

Liam Neeson’s latest Taken, Run All Night. Finally, a movie that answers the question, “What if Liam Neeson had to protect his son, instead of his daughter, like, all night or something?”

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The latest unnecessary extension of the CSI franchise, CSI: Cyber. “Have you heard of this thing called the Internet?” CSI yells into the echoing abyss.

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ABC’s exercise in the generic, Secrets And Lies. Come for Ryan Phillippe’s secrets, get bored by the time he gets to his lies.

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Lauren Conrad’s collection of adult clothing inspired by Disney’s Cinderella. A.k.a., FAPBAP (for aging princesses, by aging princesses).

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Little Caesars’ bacon crust deep-dish pizza, featuring 3 feet of bacon. Makes sense. Nothing is more appetizing than knowing the exact length of bacon you’re about to consume.

The latest unnecessary season of Dancing With The Stars. The preferred program of sequin manufacturers, people in the hospital who are unable to change the channel, and Rumer Willis (because she can finally be classified somewhere as a “star”).

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