Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

What are you doing for National Get Outdoors Day? Driving your kids to the edge of the forest and leaving them there? Yep. That's pretty much what everyone's doing:

I'm assuming that kids today aren't familiar with fairy tales, because if they were, they'd never ask their parents to take them to the forest. That's basically the fairy tale equivalent of asking your parents to abandon you. The forest is where all the bad things happen: Where you encounter witches with candy houses who want to trap and eat you; where you're pursued by talking wolves; and where you can become so disoriented, you mistake a wolf in a nightgown for your own grandmother. See that lizard on the kid's back? He probably thinks that lizard is his cousin. So, sure, ask your parents to take you to the forest, or, you know, the ol' hollow of neverending despair. Whatever's closest.


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