Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Thinking Is For Jerks

Your brain is totally ruining your life. While you were sitting around today thinking thinks with your stupid thinker, you could have been out there doing un-brain things like extreme ice jumping, or extreme standing near fires, or extreme slo-mo hitting people in their empty heads.

Your brain is holding you back from the greatest things in life: like buying Wrangler Jeans. That's right: Wrangler. I know what you're thinking, "So Wrangler's for idiots?" You would think that, thinkatron—but that's the problem, your constant, incessant thinking. God, can't you just stop those thinks from rolling around in your head for one second and let Wrangler Jeans cut open your head, smother your brain with denim, and scoop out your now-dead brain matter like they were hollowing out a pumpkin?       

Don't get me wrong, "Stop Thinking" is a great slogan to sell cheap jeans. Actually, it's a great slogan to sell anything. "Stop thinking. Pringles."  "Stop thinking. Orbit gum." "Stop thinking. Nettypots."

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But if this ad is effective, and people just stop thinking, they're gonna need a lot of help actually making it to the store to buy Wranglers, especially if they're off walking in the desolate snow fields or riding motorcycles in the desert or whatever. A simple, "Put some goddamn pants on. Wrangler." might have been more effective.

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