Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Tuesday, Jan. 24. All times are Eastern.

White Collar (USA, 10 p.m.):
There’s not a lot of TV on tonight because the “President” thinks he can just take up all our TV time to talk to the country, like he’s some sort of special, privileged guy who can just take away our new episodes of New Girl. Anyway, he’s probably just as pissed as us that he’s pre-empting Parenthood, since you know that’s Malia’s favorite show. Anyway, in lieu of hanging out with Obama, why not check out USA’s most reliably entertaining show, the fizzy caper drama, White Collar. It’s good for what ails ya, says Kenny Herzog.


Switched At Birth (ABC Family, 8 p.m.):
“Daphne and Bay unite to help Emmett save his motorcycle.” We’re reminded that all of America’s partisan bickering could be solved if we moved to an ABC Family show. Carrie Raisler approves this message.

Justified (FX, 10 p.m.): We’ll admit we weren’t quite sure what that Boyd Crowder was up to until we saw him at the end of last week’s season premiere, but now that we do know, we can’t wait to see more. Scott Tobias has all the Harlan skinny.


Southland (TNT, 10 p.m.): Kevin McFarland drops in as Ben and Sammy team up with a bumbling officer. We’re betting this is played for broad comedy until at the very end, you realize that it was filled with pathos and bullshit all along. Awww.

FLCL (11 a.m.):
Hayden Childs digs deep into the muck as this series enters its back half and finally starts to pay off some of the craziness that’s been going on until this point. By “starts to pay off,” we mean, “starts to pay off if you’ve seen it 15 times.”


The Muppet Show (1 p.m.): This week’s episodes include one hosted by Ethel “The Merm” Merman, and there’s nothing we’d love more than for her corpse to be reanimated, so she could host a variety series. Erik Adams would cover every week!

The Larry Sanders Show (3 p.m.): Larry’s chemistry with a new band leader has Hank in a pickle, and there’s a special guest spot from Spandau Ballet’s Gary Kemp. Renowned Spandau “Super Fan” Kyle Ryan has been waiting for this one for ages.

The Looney Tunes Show (Cartoon, 8:30 p.m.):
We’re skeptical, but our friends with kids tell us this show isn’t half bad. Of course, that could mean anything from “actually good” to “at least it doesn’t make us want to bludgeon ourselves to death.”


Remodeled (The CW, 9 p.m.): So we dropped the ball on covering this one last week, but instead of just pretending it doesn’t exist, we’re making Margaret Eby cover tonight’s episode, which takes place in SOUTH DAKOTA. Whooooooo!

The State Of The Union Address (Various networks, 9 p.m.): This year’s State Of The Union venue is Washington, D.C., a bold choice for the President, and this year’s State Of The Union mascot is good ol’ Democracy Deer. Fighting for your rights!

Chopped (Food, 10 p.m.): If you’re not somehow exhausted from all of the other worthy 10 p.m. options on Tuesdays, why not watch one of TV’s most entertaining reality shows? Tonight: Four runners-up face off in a second chance showdown.


A Woman Under The Influence (Flix, 8 p.m.): Why not tune into this Cassavetes classic, featuring great performances by Peter Falk and Gena Rowlands. Guaranteed to leave you in a good mood*! *—May not actually leave you in a good mood.

Waterworld (MoMax, 9 p.m.): Or, y’know, if you’re looking for movietime fun, you could just watch this, in which Kevin Costner is a fish man or something, and it’s not actually a movie about him having to pursue thieves through a water park. Ugh.

NHL Hockey: Wild at Avalanche (NBC Sports, 9 p.m.): Do you suppose that the theme song of the Colorado Avalanche is “The Avalanche” by Sufjan Stevens? Don’t you think that should be the team’s theme? Let’s write to Colorado and change it!


Alcatraz (U.S.) (Monday):
Will Harris brings out the Alcatrazzle razzle dazzle as we all slowly realize that, yup, this is going to be a police procedural for a few years, at least until all involved realize they’d really rather be telling super weird stories.