Often the question is asked, "How did Glenn Beck come to be?" And often the answer rings back, "Lobotomobile." But that's only one of many theories.

While creationists will tell you that the first Glenn Beck was created by God around the time of the dinosaurs as the result of a dare between the Lord and the arcangel Gabriel—Gabriel dared God to make a creature called a "Potato head" with hair-trigger lacrimal glands, and thus the walking tuber of tears was born—science tells us a different story: Glenn Beck evolved, just like the rest of us. Well, not exactly like the rest of us. See, while we made the evolutionary jump from chimp to human, Glenn Beck jumped from chimp to morning zoo crew host—which as you'll see from the archival footage below, really isn't a jump at all:   

Wacky sound effects, Zippy the chimp, zany camera angles, whatever that haircut is—and yet somehow still more sane and dignified than his current show.