When you first heard about Fox's plans to make a fat people version of The Bachelor, your first thought was probably, "How empowering—not just for fat people, but humanity in general!" Then you saw the trailer—a luminous, 32-second flash of pure dignity that will probably be screened by future generations as a PSA about how people should treat each other—and your thought was confirmed.

The way that the women are all crying because they're so fat and therefore so lonely. The way that FOX is giving them a chance at televised love—but only with another fat person because, you know, yuck. The way that the fat guy is a totally creepy chubby chaser. The sneaking suspicion that Fox is definitely gonna find a way to show all of those "real" women in bathing suits, because, fat people in tight clothes = hilarious. This fat people freak show is essentially a commercial for the fat acceptance movement, right? Well, it is at least according to the NY Times:

“Fat acceptance” ideas date back more than 30 years, but have lately edged into the mainstream, thanks in part to public hand-wringing by celebrities like Oprah, Kirstie Alley and the tennis player Monica Seles, who said she had to “throw out the word ‘diet’ ” to deal with her weight gain. (Oprah now cites her goal as being not “thin,” but “healthy and strong and fit.”)

Even television is bellying up to the bar, with Lifetime’s introduction of a hefty heroine in “Drop Dead Diva” and a show having its premiere this month on Fox that stresses the “reality” in reality TV. The show, “More to Love,” matches plus-size dates with a bachelor boasting “a big waist and an even bigger heart.”

Advertisement

I don't pretend to understand the fat acceptance movement, but I at least know what the words "fat" and "acceptance" mean when put together in a phrase. The NY Times apparently doesn't. Oprah and Kirstie Alley have both publicly said, numerous times, that they want to lose weight, which probably qualifies as not "accepting" their bodies. And if More To Love is somehow empowering to fat people, then I can't wait to see what the NY Times thinks when FOX greenlights my idea for a reality show—it's an all-Asian version of The Bachelor called Me So Horny—For Love. Trust me: it will be so empowering for everyone.