Once upon a time, a congressman was sitting in Congress, bored and ignored. It was a nice day outside, and he hated sitting there in Congress while everyone around was voting or talking or doing Congress things. This congressman wanted everyone to pay attention to him, so he decided to play a game. "Baby Killer!" he yelled. Alarmed, everyone rushed over to the congressman. "Where's the baby killer?" they all asked. "Ha ha. Made you look," the Congressman Who Cried "Baby Killer" said. Annoyed, the other congresspeople walked off.

A few minutes later, the Congressman Who Cried "Baby Killer" was feeling bored and ignored again. "Baby Killer!" he yelled out. Once again, the other congresspeople came running over, "Oh no!" they gasped. "Where is the baby killer? We must stop him." The Congressman Who Cried "Baby Killer" just laughed. Angry, the other congresspeople stormed off.

About an hour later, The Congressman Who Cried "Baby Killer" was sitting around painting his fingernails with Wite-Out when he saw a man in a ski mask creep around the corner and remove one of the infants from the Congressional Baby Pen. The Congressman Who Cried "Baby Killer" watched as the man in the ski mask reached into a bag, removed an adorable, baby-face-sized pillow, and covered the infant's face with it.  "Baby Killer!" The Congressman Who Cried "Baby Killer" yelled.  "Baby Killer!" But this time no one rushed over to help—and the Congressman Who Cried Baby Killer, being an idiot, watched in horror as the Baby Killer killed all the babies in the Congressional Baby Pen, one by one.

A couple of days later, with his zombie wife at his side, The Congressman Who Cried Baby Killer, being an idiot, made a commercial asking people to pay him for sounding the false baby killer alarm.

(via AdFreak)

Congratulations, SNL. RandyForCongress aka The Congressman Who Cried "Baby Killer" just gave you an easy political cold open. This is already hilarious:

Advertisement

All you need is Kristen Wiig as the shifty-eyed zombie wife and you're good.