Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The Dance-o-lution is getting complicated

Child stars like Miley Cyrus are by definition not normal kids, but yet they are supposed to authentically portray normal kids. Basically, they are walking oxymorons.

Even though Miley Cyrus is a 16-year-old, her life is so far removed from the teens and tweens that watch her show and her movies, that she's essentially gazing down at them through thick glasses of fame while standing atop a giant towering pillar made from millions of discarded Mickey Mouse ears. She has no idea what kids today are like. If she did, then she would know that all kids today have ADD (look it up), and there's no way they're going to be able to learn her new ridiculously intricate dance craze "The Hoedown Throwdown" without upping their dosages. Really sensitive, Miley.

(Via NPR's Monkey See)

So you're gonna include the "Polka Dot It" and the "Hawk In The Sky" but not the "Giggle Sandwich" or the "Monterey Jacknife"? You call this a dance craze, Miley?


Of course, it's not Miley's fault that her dance craze is a fast-paced sequence of 19 different moves perfectly engineered to make the majority of kids feel hopelessly uncoordinated. It's Disney's. Maybe they were too busy adjusting the pressure on the Jonas Brothers to notice that Hannah Montana's would-be dance craze for tweens is now the highly demanding, strenuous entrance exam for Alvin Ailey Dance Theater.