Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Thursday, January 31, 2013. All times are Eastern.
30 Rock (NBC, 8 p.m.): The show tied up most of its narrative threads last week, leaving its one-hour finale to meditate on how it’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday—and maybe eke a few, final laughs out of The Rural Juror. How hard is it to say goodbye to 30 Rock? In our down time, we’re hastily slapping together an “eighth season” of the series just so Pilot Viruet doesn’t have to live in a world without Liz Lemon.
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.): CBS kept its Thursday-night lineup in reruns for two weeks, presumably so it could bury the 30 Rock finale in an avalanche of viewers jonesin’ for new Big Bang Theory and Two And A Half Men. Oliver Sava thinks that’s some dirty pool, but then again, he’ll have to miss TGS’ final hour in order to review “The Cooper/Kripke Inversion.”
The Vampire Diaries (The CW, 8 p.m.): Your What’s On Tonight correspondent was going to get into the plot details of “A View To A Kill,” but then he got Duran Duran’s A View To A Kill theme stuck in his head, and now all he can do is DANCE! [Synthesizer hit.] INTO THE FIRE! Carrie Raisler brings you the fatal sounds of broken dreams.
The Office (NBC, 9 p.m.): In the first half of tonight’s Office doubleheader, Dwight rounds up candidates—including Mose!—to fill in for Jim at Dunder-Mifflin. In the second half, Erik Adams wonders whether or not that first half is the reconstituted backdoor pilot for The Farm.
Person Of Interest (CBS, 9 p.m.): If you’ve been reluctant (because CBS procedural) to sample this show (because CBS procedural), perhaps an episode based around a “destructive act of cyber warfare” (because CBS procedural) might change your mind. And if that doesn’t, then Phil Dyess-Nugent just doesn’t know what will.
Glee (Fox, 9 p.m.): The episode’s called “Naked,” and it’s about both a calendar-based fundraising effort and a performance opportunity that puts Rachel in a compromising position—so, yes, it would appear Ryan Murphy already misses having American Horror Story around for his button- and envelope-pushing needs. Brandon Nowalk just hopes it gives New Directions an excuse to cover Jennifer Love Hewitt’s curiously capitalized smash hit, “BareNaked.”
Project Runway (Lifetime, 9 p.m.): Unlikely ping pong maven Susan Sarandon tasks the designers with working up outfits for the ball boys and servers at her table tennis club, SPiN. Yes Susan Sarandon owns a table tennis club, yes it employs ball boys, and yes Sonia Saraiya has thoughts on all of this.
Elementary (CBS, 10 p.m.): A conspiracy theorist is the victim of a hit-and-run accident. Surely this is all part of some shadowy web of dastardly plotting that goes all the way to the top—and Myles McNutt vows to get to the bottom of it!
Archer (FX, 10 p.m.): Todd VanDerWerff accidentally watched and reviewed this episode last week, so if you want any spoilers about Krieger’s quest to make robotic legs for Ray—he won’t give them to you. Because he’s a professional, goddammit, and he slipped himself the cyanide capsule, like, five minutes ago.
Suits (USA, 10 p.m.): A gender-discrimination case is tackled, and sometimes the “Suits is about suits” jokes just make themselves. Because… the case is probably about a woman’s employer telling her she couldn’t wear a suit, because suits are what men (and the stars of Suits) wear. Carrie Raisler would like to start discriminating against quips like these.
Legit (FX, 10:30 p.m.): Billy gets an online-dating profile. Is it on ChristianMingle.com? Steve Heisler sure hopes it’s on ChristianMingle.com—he can’t get enough of those wacky Buzzfeed lists of Christian Mingle users reacting inappropriately to current events.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (11 a.m.): Oh, Odo: Will you ever be able to grasp the emotion we non-shapeshifting humanoids call “love”? Regardless, Zack Handlen thinks you need to snap out of it—we’re also dealing with a Dominion invasion this week!
WHAT ELSE IS ON?
Funniest Animal Commercials Of The Year (TruTV, 8 p.m.): We’ll go ahead and assume only live-action animals are included in this countdown, thus disqualifying the Charmin bears. Because there must be one television refuge from hearing about those things wiping their asses.
Death: It’s A Living (CNBC, 9 p.m.): Internet, your mission should you choose to accept it: Collect the best interviews from this report on the death-care industry and do what its title demands: Match the audio to footage of animal appliances from The Flintstones.
Chef Wanted With Anne Burrell (Food Network, 10 p.m.): Refusing to take a cue from its title, Chef Wanted was not retooled between seasons to become a true-crime series where a celebrity chef tracks down fugitives and bail-jumpers. But you can still enjoy the spiky-haired host playing matchmaker between high-profile restaurants and executive chefs, we guess.
Do No Harm (NBC, 10:01 p.m.): “I’ll take one of those!” The Peacock said at the public-domain dealership, pointing at a shiny 2012 Strange Case Of Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde. And then it just let the thing sit in the garage for months and months, until Zack Handlen came by and said, “Hey, mind if I take that thing out for a spin?”
Cat Ballou (TCM, 8 p.m.): The film that made the phrase “Oscar winner Lee Marvin” a reality, earning the Hollywood tough an Academy Award for Best Actor in a dual role as a hired gun and one part of the ragtag posse Jane Fonda recruits to protect her father from that hired gun.
Friday Night Lights (Starz, 8:50 p.m.): In which Connie Britton plays Mrs. Coach—but a different Mrs. Coach, which is easy to forget she did given the way the small-screen Friday Night Lights eventually overshadowed its big-screen predecessor.
NBA Basketball: Grizzlies at Thunder (NBA, 8 p.m.): Not to be confused with minor-league hockey matchup recently played by the Utah Grizzlies and the Stockton Thunder, which was settled by a score that the the Memphis and Oklahoma City NBA franchises will surpass within the opening minutes of this meeting.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Suburgatory: TV’s favorite dog who’s named after a probiotic beverage, Yakult, figures prominently in an episode that’s also about finding a boyfriend for Lisa. Brandon Nowalk wonders when those two are going to get their own animated spin-off, where they travel the country solving mysteries related to U.S. history or something.