Dylan McDermott (left), Maggie Q, giving up (all aound) (CBS)

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, October 1. All times are Eastern.

Top pick

Stalker (CBS, 10 p.m.): It’s Opposite Day (But Only When It Comes To Top Picks) here at The A.V. Club, so Stalker is the obvious choice for tonight’s Top Pick. You’ve seen the tweets from Kevin Williamson, you’ve read the pre-air review from Genevieve Valentine, and you’ve seen the promotional materials that make you question whether or not the show is being done as a goof. Now, there’s nothing left to do but truly experience all that is Stalker.

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Sadly, there will not be regular coverage of Stalker (coverage that would rival those beautiful Hostages reviews, no doubt), but if you play your cards right, maybe you’ll learn a few tips of the trade while watching the show. After all, who hasn’t stalked someone at one point in his or her life? We all go a little mad sometimes, right? Right? Remember that time Scream quoted Psycho? Remember Dawson’s Creek? Remember life before The Following led us all down this dark path?

Follow-up to that pick

Which character in Dawson’s Creek would be the most likely to be arrested for stalking? (If your answer to that question is anyone other than Dawson, then what version of that show were you watching? Show your work.)

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Also noted

The Bridge (FX, 10 p.m.): The second season finale of The Bridge is surely going to be a better episode of television than Stalker, whether you’ve seen the whole season or not. Reviewer Molly Eichel would probably agree. If it were not Opposite Day (But Only When It Comes To Top Picks), it would be the Top Pick. Take comfort in that.

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Regular coverage

The Middle/The Goldbergs (ABC, 8 p.m./8:30 p.m.)

Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.)

Modern Family (ABC, 9 p.m.)

Black-ish (ABC, 9:30 p.m)

South Park (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.)

Key & Peele (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.)

The League (FXX, 10 p.m.)

Elsewhere in TV Club

Sonia Saraiya has a pre-air review of Kate Walsh’s Bad Judge. Based on the review, the show has everything a Newsreaders interview with Kate Walsh is missing: sex. Brandon Nowalk, on the other hand, features much less sex discussion in his 100 Episodes piece on the Western series Have Gun — Will Travel. Right in the middle of those two extremes—because as everyone knows, Kate Walsh having sex and Westerns are just like two opposite ends of the political spectrum—is a brand new Inventory on soundtracks for TV shows that just don’t need their own soundtracks. Sex, Westerns, and music. Life, in a nutshell.

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What else is on?

The Mysteries Of Laura (NBC, 8 p.m.): In “The Mystery Of The Biker Bar,” one can only assume that a biker tells Laura she can’t hang with bikers because she’s a middle-aged woman, and she then spends the rest of the episode proving that she, a middle-aged woman, can hang with bikers. Last week’s episode was all about how she could not possibly be sexy because she’s a middle-aged woman, only for her to prove that she, a middle-aged woman, could be sexy. So this is all a safe bet.

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Criminal Minds (CBS, 9 p.m.): Criminal Minds begins its tenth season tonight, which means I accidentally lied to my mother when I told her it ended years ago and that ION Television was her only outlet for “new episodes.” Classic Criminal Minds.

Nashville (ABC, 10 p.m.): “How Far Down Can I Go,” you ask, Nashville? You did see those live segments in last week’s season premiere, didn’t you?

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Chicago P.D. (NBC, 10 p.m.): Taking a page out of The Strain’s playbook, Chicago P.D.’s “Get My Cigarettes” obviously follows Nadia as she travels up and down vampire-infested Chicago in order to get Voight his cigarettes. Tune in next week when there’s a custody battle between Kim and Sean over their squad car, because that’s the type of action the people want to see.

Watch What Happens: Live (Bravo, 11 p.m.): What’s going to happen live? Too many laughs to count. Tonight’s guests are every one’s favorite comedy duo: Melissa Etheridge and Nasim Pedrad.

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The Fighting Temptations (Oxygen, 6:30 p.m.): The best part of TV Guide’s description of this Cuba Gooding Jr./Beyonce film is when it decides to chime in with its opinion: “Energetic musical numbers, one-note script.” The second best part? “Beyonce Knowles.” Does that mean you should watch the movie? Probably not. But it does mean someone has been having fun over at TV Guide.

Cadillac Records (Fuse, 8 p.m.): Sadly, there is no editorializing on TV Guide’s part with this Beyoncé film, which can only mean one thing: the Fighting Temptations person got fired soon after writing that.

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MLB Playoff: Giants at Pirates (ESPN, 8 p.m.): If dueling Beyoncés aren’t up your alley—and really, with those options, it’s understandable—there’s always sports ball. The San Francisco Giants face the Pittsburgh Pirates in the wild card game, and winner faces the Nationals in the Division Series. Meanwhile, giants and pirates the world over wonder if they can ever truly co-exist.

In case you missed it

Selfie: Sonia Saraiya is regularly reviewing new ABC sitcom Selfie, and despite the one-two punch of Karen Gillan and John Cho, the show so far is “a mess” with “a lot of problems.” On the off-chance the show becomes great over night, it will be interesting to read about this C-grade pilot blossoming into something more. On the even better chance that it doesn’t, well at least then Sonia will give everyone a reason to laugh.

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