Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, October 14. All times are Eastern.
South Park (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.): South Park is finally back! After a week of being away! That still counts as being back! And it returns with the fourth episode of the season, “You’re Not Yelping”: “There’s a new kid in school and his parents have opened a restaurant in the recently gentrified part of town. Cartman now considers himself the top online restaurant reviewer in South Park.” Even if South Park weren’t returning after a week-long hiatus, it would still be in this coveted What’s On Tonight spot just for that last sentence alone. Dan Caffrey certainly thinks so.
Arrow (The CW, 8 p.m.): Jeri Ryan! Echo Kellum! As the kids say, business is about to pick up. As it turns out, Jeri Ryan’s Jessica Danforth is the brave soul willing to run for Star City mayor! That doesn’t get us through our grief over Walter turning the offer down (the season premiere was cruel for that Walter tease!), but we guess it’s a start. Meanwhile, Thea starts to exhibit side effects from that whole coming back from the dead thing, and the terrific (do you see what we did here?) Echo Kellum enters the fray as Curtis Holt, a Palmer Technologies (or whatever it’s called now) employee! Alasdair Wilkins just so happens to like politics, zombie problems, and employee relations, so this episode is right up his alley.
Star Wars Rebels (Disney XD, 9:30 p.m.): Season two of Star Wars Rebels is here, as “Ahsoka sends the Rebel crew to find and recruit a war hero to their cause.” When it comes to the the cause of reviewing Star Wars Rebels, we have recruited Kevin Johnson.
American Horror Story: Hotel (FX, 10 p.m.): “Fashion mogul Will Drake brings couture to the Hotel Cortez. A model catches The Countess’s eye. John learns about the hotel’s sadistic first owner.” We guarantee that this episode synopsis barely even scratches the surface of everything that actually happens. Emily L. Stephens wishes that weren’t true and that everything would just be as matter-of-fact as it reads, but forget it, Emily. It’s Ryan Murphy.
Moonbeam City (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.): It’s the “Quest For Aquatica,” Moonbeamers, and Dazzle goes undercover and falls for a dolphin named Splasha. It’s like they always say: What happens in Aquatica, stays in Aquatica. Right, Jesse Hassenger?
Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.)
Modern Family (ABC, 9 p.m.)
Empire (Fox, 9 p.m.)
Black-ish (ABC, 9:30 p.m.)
The League (FXX, 10 p.m.)
You’re The Worst (FXX, 10:30 p.m.)
Random Roles. Mustaches. How has it taken us so long to put those two things together? Never mind the answer: Will Harris’ Random Roles with Tom Selleck finally rectifies the problem.
Marah Eakin’s 11 Questions with Wendell Pierce (at 9 a.m.) also rectifies the problem of us not having an 11 Questions with Wendell Pierce. We’re really righting a lot of wrongs today.
Plus, there’s Erik Adams’ pre-air review of NBC’s Truth Be Told, and the title of the piece says it all: “When NBC re-named Truth Be Told, it should’ve gone with Chatty Assholes.” Allow us to direct you to this (and then you can read the review).
Casual (Hulu, 3:01 a.m.): “Valerie decides to make a major move, but financial realities get in the way. Alex adopts a new friend. Laura fantasizes about an older man.” We’re hoping the plot with the “animals” from the episode title (which is “Animals”) is the one with Alex, but it could be the one with Valerie. Hopefully it’s not the one about Laura.
We Bare Bears (Cartoon Network, 6:30 p.m.): As it is another week of week-long of We Bare Bears, we find ourselves in another week of having the We Bare Bears theme stuck in our heads. Aside from that whole earworm thing, here’s an actual episode plot: “Panda becomes a cute sensation when a Vine video of his very cute sneeze goes viral.” We Bare Bears is topical, and we like it. We assume Nom Nom won’t like it though, because Nom Nom is a jerk. (This has been: The We Bare Bears Brief.)
Young & Hungry (ABC Family, 8 p.m.): Last week, it was Kevin From Work’s time to shine, so this week, Young & Hungry gets its two-episode, one-hour season finale. That’s right, it’s “Young & Younger Brother (Parts One & Two),” because Young & Hungry wants to go out the same way it came in: not having an episode title scheme that makes any sense. “When Josh’s flaky younger brother, Jake, shows up for an unexpected visit and announces he wants to be a chef, Josh hires him to help Gabi with wedding prep. But as sparks fly between the two, Josh realizes what he’s done and goes to great expense to separate the budding lovebirds.” Uh oh. That is pretty younger brother of Young & Hungry. We stand corrected.
Nothing But Trailers (AXS TV, 8 p.m.): This program is honestly what you expect from the title—trailers. Movie trailers, specifically, but still trailers.
Rosewood (Fox, 8 p.m.): In “Vandals And Vitamins,” Adrian Pasdar and Nicole Ari Parker guest star. Which one is the vandal and which one is the vitamin? You have to tune in to find out.
Steampunk’d (GSN, 8 p.m.): Wait a minute! You’re telling us that Steampunk’d first season is finally over? No! Why?! Alright, we can’t fake that much enthusiasm, but we can tell you that whoever wins will get $100,000. The Facebook page for the show says that “the makers [will] create noteworthy art,” and in case that means nothing to you, here’s the picture that goes along with that:
The Mysteries Of Laura (NBC, 8 p.m.): “When two convicted killers break out of a maximum security prison, Laura and team join the manhunt, but their loyalties are called into question, since one of the escapees is their former captain.” It feels so good to laugh.
Criminal Minds (CBS, 9 p.m.): In another Joe Mantegna-directed episode, the BAU find themselves looking into the murders of brides-to-be in Savannah. If you guessed the episode would be titled anything other than “‘Til Death Do Us Part,” we’re curious about your outlook on things.
Supernatural (The CW, 9 p.m.): Uh oh. Dean and Sam have separate missions this week, and Sam’s isn’t a walk in the park: He has to “deal with a town infected by a mysterious and deadly gas,” and said gas is turning the townspeople into monsters. You might think, “Oh, classic Supernatural,” but usually Sammy has back-up. Times are tough when it comes to the Darkness, you know?
Kingdom (DirecTV, 9 p.m.): Kingdom is back for a second season of MMA, family, and shirtlessness. Series star Matt Lauria calls this season “even more complicated” than the first one, which is the type of non-description that typically doesn’t bode well, but we’re willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Did we mention the shirtlessness?
Teen Mom 2: Season 6 Unseen Moments (MTV, 9 p.m.): Have you been feeling like you really need just one more hour of Teen Mom 2 this season? Well, here you go, person who requested that.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC, 9 p.m.): Law & Order: SVU is about to get (more) topical, as “the NYPD falls under siege after the shooting of an unarmed black man.” The three officers responsible for the shooting “claim they had no choice but to follow police procedure,” but we’ll see if SVU believes that. The only police procedure is SVU procedure!
Nashville (ABC, 10 p.m.): “Juliette’s private turmoil could become tabloid fodder.” Well, finally. Somehow her out of control behavior and family abandonment has been kept hush hush, and it’s getting ridiculous. Oh, hey! Zoey is back!
Code Black (CBS, 10 p.m.): “Also, Mario bullies Angus into performing an unnecessary operation but lets Angus take the blame when Leanne finds out.” Mario’s kind of a dick, huh?
Are You The One? (MTV, 10 p.m.): “Non-matches continue to hook-up, which threatens the house’s chances of going 10 for 10.” Get it together, Are You The One? house! Don’t you know what you’re doing?! Of course you don’t! You’re all so damn selfish! No wonder you’re all so… “Mazed And Confused.” Well that means nothing. You’re still all so damn selfish.
Chicago P.D. (NBC, 10 p.m.): Looks like we’ve got ourselves (another) hostage situation, kids. Oh, and we also have some Oliver Platt, because of that whole Chicago Dick Cinematic Universe. Chicago! Chicago! Chicago!
The Brain With David Eagleman (PBS, 10 p.m.): PBS’ new series follows neuroscientist David Eagleman as he takes the audience through the human brain and explores why people feel and think the way they do. In this series premiere, you can “see how the brain constructs multi-sensory reality within the silence and darkness of the skull.” You know, if you’re into that type of thing.
Couples Therapy (VH1, 10 p.m.): “The couples face their biggest relationship fears; Big Ang suspects Neil of hiring a hooker; and the couples participate in a problem-solving exercise called the Maze.” This should be called “Mazed And Confused,” and yet, it’s “Texts, Lies, And Tampon-Gate.” What is happening on television?
The Nightmare Before Christmas (Disney, 7 p.m.): In case you’re in the mood for a little holiday confusion—is it time to celebrate Halloween or Christmas?!?—’tis finally the season for Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas.
Out Of Time (HBO Signature West, 8:15 p.m.): Denzealots, this one’s for you.
MLB Playoff: Game 5: Rangers at Blue Jays (FS1, 4 p.m.)
Women’s Volleyball: Florida at Tennessee (ESPNU, 6 p.m.)
NBA Preseason Basketball: Heat at Magic (FSN, 7 p.m.)
WNBA Finals: Game 5: Indiana at Minnesota (ESPN2, 8 p.m.)
MLB Playoff: Game 5: Astros at Royals (FS1, 8 p.m.)
NHL Hockey: Blackhawks at Flyers (NBC Sports, 8 p.m.)
Premier Boxing Champions on ESPN: Alexander-Martinez (ESPN, 9 p.m.)
WWE NXT (WWE Network, 8 p.m.)
Impact Wrestling (Destination America, 9 p.m.)
Ring Of Honor (Destination America, 11 p.m.)
The Bastard Executioner: As it turns out, Kyle Fowle isn’t big on “empty philosophizing.”