Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, March 14. All times are Eastern.
Supergirl (CBS, 8 p.m.): “The hosts of CBS Daytime’s The Talk guest star.” We’re sure this is selling point to someone, but we’re not sure if that someone is actually the target demographic for Supergirl. Then again, Supergirl is on CBS instead of The CW, so who even knows what target demographics are anymore? This week, “Kara turns on her friends and the citizens of National City after being exposed to Red Kryptonite makes her malicious and dangerous.” Did someone say Red Kryptonite?
Shut up, Lana! This isn’t about you! Sorry. Involuntary reflex. “Cat appears on The Talk to discuss Supergirl.” Wait, we take back everything. We are the target demographic for this. (Caroline Siede does not feel as strongly about this plot as we do, but that’s because she’s also found herself exposed to Red Kryptonite, and now it’s a whole thing.)
Gotham (Fox, 8 p.m.): “Bruce Wayne confronts a monster on an all-new Gotham.” We hope we didn’t just spoil you too badly, Kyle Fowle.
WWE Monday Night RAW (USA, 8 p.m.): Speaking of Kyle Fowle, he was at Saturday’s Roadblock house show special. Ask him anything. Bonus points with your friendly neighborhood What’s On Tonight contributor if you ask him anything about how much he loves Roman Reigns.
Damien (A&E, 10 p.m.): What’s that? Regular coverage of Damien? Maybe! See—we told you Monday is the most sacrilegious day of television. (Yes, this is a celebration of that fact. Emily L. Stephens is doing this all for us, after all.)
House Of Cards (Netflix)
The Characters (Netflix)
11.22.63 (Hulu, midnight)
Bates Motel (A&E, 9 p.m.)
RuPaul’s Drag Race (Logo, 9 p.m.)
The Magicians (Syfy, 9 p.m.)
Better Call Saul (AMC, 10 p.m.)
Good ol’ Alasdair Wilkins has written a For Our Consideration piece on The Grinder, and surprisingly, it’s not all about the fact that you should be watching The Grinder. (Though you should be.) Instead, it’s a For Our Consideration piece that argues that the show “realizes the impossible premise of Conan O’Brien’s Lookwell.”
Also, do you miss wigs on television? No, we’re not talking about whatever Julianna Margulies is wearing in this season of The Good Wife—we’re talking high quality spy wigs. Yes, now we’re on the same page and that page is Vikram Murthi’s pre-air review of the fourth season of The Americans. “Spy, lie, die, destroy everything else on TV.” Sounds good to us, Vikram.
Then there’s an Inventory about how fun the apocalypse can be. Seriously.
The Bachelor/The Bachelor: After The Final Rose (ABC, 8/10 p.m.): He’s doing it! The guy is finally picking one of the women!
The Fosters (Freeform, 8 p.m.): “Meanwhile, Jesus and Mariana want to help their birth father.” Please, you guys. Just leave Tommy Dawkins alone. He used to own this town. Now it’s all turned upside-down.
The Voice (NBC, 8 p.m.): “The ’blind auditions’ conclude as each coach fights for the best artists to complete their teams of 12. The second hour begins with the battle rounds.” And you know what battle rounds mean… Singing in a boxing ring! Peak TV!
American Dad (TBS, 8:30 p.m.): This week, American Dad takes on the 1988 movie Stand And Deliver (with the episode “Stan-Dan Deliver”). Are animated underprivileged kids as emotionally manipulative as live-action underprivileged kids? We’ll see.
Vanderpump Rules (Bravo, 9 p.m.): “Lisa hosts Katie and Tom Schwartz’s engagement party, but Kristen and Stassi stir up drama and Lala creates a scene. Also, Jax faces his crimes in criminal court and reunites with Stassi, and Tom Sandoval debuts his song. The Season 4 finale.” Also, there’s a restaurant. We think.
Scorpion (CBS, 9 p.m.): “Horatio Sanz guest stars as attorney Haywood ‘Jahelpme’ Morris.” That should tell you literally everything you need to know about Scorpion.
Pickle & Peanut (Disney XD, 9 p.m.): “After YouTube star Bike Jumper is injured, Peanut must take his place doing daring jumps around town.” Yep, that checks out.
Cake Wars (Food Network, 9 p.m.): “Willy Wonka” is the name of the game on tonight’s Cake Wars, so we assume this is the episode that finally goes all in on traumatizing youths.
Lucifer (Fox, 9 p.m.): “Lucifer experiences his first bout of jealousy.” This is why we love Lucifer: the utter bullshit of sometime during 2016 being the first time the Devil himself experiences jealousy.
Recovery Road (Freeform, 9 p.m.): “While reluctantly attending a party thrown by Rebecca’s upper crust family, Maddie and Charlotte are horrified at Rebecca’s treatment by her family in regards to her recovery.” Talk about a recovery roadblock.
Ebola: The Doctors’ Story (HBO, 9 p.m.): “A British doctor works on the front lines of the Ebola crisis in Sierra Leone in the fall of 2014.” This documentary is definitely a Monday night option.
And Then There Were None (Lifetime, 9 p.m.): “Conclusion. The guests on Soldier Island continue to die according to the rules of a nursery rhyme and must determine who amongst them is the murderer before they lose their minds.” Is it an understatement to call that upsetting?
Angie Tribeca (TBS, 9 p.m.): “An airline passenger arrives dead at LAX, so the crew goes undercover aboard a plane to catch the culprit. Also: The lieutenant is diagnosed with bacterial meningitis.” Phew. We finally know what’s wrong with the lieutenant. A happy ending!
Major Crimes (TNT, 9 p.m.): So, um, this is awkward. It turns out that whole five part case thing wasn’t so much just an arc in the season as it was the end of the season. That means tonight’s “Hindsight - Part 5” is the fourth season finale.
Stevie J & Joseline Go Hollywood (VH1, 9 p.m.): “Stevie and Joseline’s plan to make a movie is back on track, but the couple’s relationship problems could stand in their way.” Neither of them having any business making a movie could also stand in their way, right?
NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS, 10 p.m.): “Also, Deeks admits to Kensi that he thinks she is too messy.” We can already feel the exaggerated collar pulls.
House Hunters/House Hunters: International (HGTV, 10/10:30 p.m.): First up, House Hunters completely ignores the idea of brevity in television episode titles with “Two Bachelors Hunt For A Bungalow Near Downtown Austin.” Then, House Hunters International almost bypasses the same problem with “Shelter From The Storm,” until it adds “In Cayman Brac” to the end of the title.
Teen Mom 2 (MTV, 10 p.m.): It’s the “Season 7 Catch-Up Special,” and since we’ve gone out of our way to avoid Teen Mom, 2 or otherwise, we guess this episode is for us. Just for us.
Blindspot (NBC, 10 p.m.): Have you noticed how Blindspot’s episode titles read like the words of a high school student who’s going through a lot of stuff? Seriously, take a look at this week’s title: “Erase Weary Youth.” If that’s not the name of a sophomore in high school’s book of poems, then we don’t know what is. Anyway, there’s a mole in the FBI!
Lost Girl (Syfy, 10 p.m.): “A shocking discovery forces Bo to make a difficult decision.” Welcome to Lost Girl, TV Guide Dude!
Hit The Floor (VH1, 10 p.m.): We’re just counting the days until Carrie Raisler finds a way to write about this show here at TV Club. We know it’s bound to happen, but the question is when.
True Life (MTV, 11 p.m.): “True Life: I’m On Smart Drugs” gives us a reason to say this for the second week in a row: Gimme that pill. I want that pill.
Bitten (Syfy, 11 p.m.): “Jeremy faces the fallout of failed negotiations between Roman and Sasha”— Ha! We told you so, Jeremy. We told you so! … Please. Just let us have this.
Singles (Encore Classic, 5:20 p.m.): “During the Seattle grunge era, twentysomethings living in the same apartment complex come to terms with real life in the grown-up world.” You know, we really can’t wait for the Singles remake for millennials. No, this doesn’t count.
Black Knight (OuterMax, 8:30 p.m.): One time, back in her intern days, your friendly neighborhood What’s On Tonight came across a DVD for the Tom Cruise film The Last Samurai. She instinctively read the back of the DVD case, and this is what she saw: “An employee (Martin Lawrence) at an L.A. medieval theme park is transported to 14th-century England, where he becomes involved in a plot to overthrow the king.” That was confusing. Then she played the DVD to investigate further and, yeah, it was definitely Black Knight.
Barclays Premier League Soccer: Leicester vs. Newcastle (NBC Sports, 3:55 p.m.)
NCAA Women’s Basketball Championship Selection Show (ESPN, 7 p.m.)
NCAA Women’s Basketball Selection Special: Extended Coverage (ESPNU, 8 p.m.)
NBA Basketball: Pistons at Wizards (ESPN, 8 p.m.)
NASCAR Sprint Cup Series: From Phoenix (FS1, 8 p.m.)
NHL Hockey: Kings at Blackhawks (NBC Sports, 8 p.m.)
Collegeinsider.com Basketball Tournament: McClendon Classic (CBS Sports, 10 p.m.)
NBA Basketball: Cavaliers at Jazz (ESPN, 10:30 p.m.)
30 For 30: Noel Murray writes about how “a gripping, discomfiting 30 For 30 looks back at the 2006 Duke lacrosse case.”