If there's one food product that sells itself it's probably candy bars—especially candy bars that have been coating Americans' teeth with caramel for decades, like Snickers.  How hard is it to convince people to buy nougat, caramel and peanuts covered in chocolate and a fair amount of nostalgia?  Not that hard. Instead of "like taking candy from a baby" the euphamism for an easy task should be "like selling Snickers to America."

Really, all Snickers needs to do is to remind people that their product exists and is still a candy bar and it will be consumed. "Snickers = Candy" Done. Unfortunately, they've chosen the most annoying way possible to do that: a made-up language of grating portmanteaus called Snacklish. It's fchomping snannoying.

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From the NY Times:

Snacklish is a humorous way of speaking that revises everyday words and phrases for a Snickers-centric world. To underscore their origin, they are printed in the typeface and colors of the Snickers brand logo.

For instance, the basketball great Patrick Ewing becomes Patrick Chewing. Combine the rapper Master P with the peanut, a main ingredient of Snickers, and he turns into Master P-nut — perhaps a hip-hop relation of the Planters brand mascot, Mr. Peanut.

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That's perfect because Master P-nut makes em say "ugh." Is Carrie Bradshaw writing ads for Snickers? Even the Crypt Keeper from Tales From The Crypt thinks this campaign is too punny. Anyone over the age of five who finds Snacklish humorous should have their chocarbon mosnaxide detector checked because their brain is clearly being choked by something.

Other examples include a Snickers taxi, or snaxi; peanutarium, for planetarium; and chompensation, for compensation. And the Sigma Nu fraternity is transformed into Sigma Nougat, after another Snickers ingredient.

The possibilities are endless. You could someday, perhaps, read a Snacklish version of this article that quotes Caramel Walker, written by Chewart Elliott for The Nougat York Times.

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Good one, Nougat York Times. I can't wait to read your chocolate smotherage of the situation in Isnack. You nougat what? This is fun.  Everything sounds better in Snacklish. It's like a chococaust! Oh snack on, that's nougat the right sn-word.