Snooki, aka Schnickers, aka Snicks, is a cast member of MTV's anthropological study of the northern reticulated guido, The Jersey Shore. Sarah Palin is the former governor of Alaska, a former Vice-Presidential candidate, and a current Fox News rambler. On the surface, these two women have very little in common. But upon further inspection, Snooki and Sarah Palin are basically the same person. So how does Snooki compare to Sarah Palin? Let us count the ways:
1. The Pouf.
Both women favor a form of bouffant that is the hairstyle approximation of the word, "Yikes!" Snooki's pouf is grand and Elvira-ish:
While Sarah Palin's is of the more subdued, "I-just-bought-a-Bump-It" variety:
2. Signature dialects.
Snooki speaks Jers Guidette, which means lots of "friggins" and use of the word "kid" to refer to any human being of any age.
Sarah Palin, on the other hand, speaks Ruuhl American, which is essentially a lot of "you betchas" and recycled anecdotes about huntin', fishin', and makin' moose stew.
3. Egregious overexposure.
Both Snooki and Sarah Palin seize literally any and all media opportunities, although they do so for different reasons: Snooki is a reality star and therefore living up to her contractually obligated shamelessness—after all, that's her livelihood. Sarah Palin, on the other hand, is a megalomaniac who just loves to talk about Sarah Palin. Still, the result is that both women are so overexposed they are the equivalent of walking yawns—which is probably why both of them made appearances on Jay Leno's Box O' Yawns this week.
Snooki did a stint on Jaywalking All-Stars:
While Sarah Palin did her best impression of a circa-1991 stand-up comic:
(Which just proves that Leno has no sense of humor. If he did, he'd have put Palin in Jay-Walking All-Stars, and let Snooki do the monologue.)
4. Reality TV Ambitions.
Snooki has said she'd like to do her own version of Flavor Of Love called Snookin' For Love—which seems like a natural progression for her.
Sarah Palin would also love to get in on that sweet, sweet reality TV action. According to Entertainment Weekly, she's shopping around a "docudrama" described as a "Planet-Earth-type look" at Alaska—which makes perfect sense. Why govern a state when it's so much easier to exploit that state for personal gain by making a cheap reality show about it?
5. Love Of Swag.
Snooki isn't afraid to shamelessly troll "gifting suites" grabbing free things—nor should she be. Shamelessness is her job and she knows it. And she's more than happy to pose for pictures with her swag, as is the custom.
Sarah Palin also loves swag. In fact, just the prospect of free things right there in front of her, all for the taking, just makes her giddy with greed.
The Fox News contributor and one-time vice presidental hopeful showed up to Silver Spoon's Oscar Suite in West Hollywood yesterday, benefiting the Red Cross…"They were like locusts," says one vendor at the suite, regarding Palin and her large group of hangers-on. "She showed up with like 20 people, and they immediately swarmed the place taking everything!"
Some of the products Palin picked up included Bloom facial products, which she told the vendor she needed for her under-eye area.
"She said she always needed to look her best because she's always in the press," says a Bloom spokesperson.
But don't think Sarah stopped there.
Palin grabbed some oversize sweatshirts and tie-dyed "jeggings" for Bristol, got a blowout by colorist Erick Orellana from the Chris McMillan Salon, along with snatching up jewelry from Pascal Mouawad, Skagen Watches, Lash Food and 40 pairs of Aiaiai headphones.
Sarah Palin, however, wouldn't pose for pictures with her jeggings n' jewelry, probably because she thinks she's better than people like Snooki. In fact, Sarah Palin is just Snooki without the much-needed self-awareness.