Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Sammy The Stork Clearly Has Never Seen I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant

The Louisiana Department Of Health (the jazziest Dept. Of Health in the nation) has a very important public service announcement to make: 50% of you are pregnant. Oh, and it's important to eat leafy green vegetables, not for you, but for all of the imaginary babies you will have pretty soon.

I only wish a man in a stork costume would have told me that before I had my imaginary daughter Clytemnestra. Then maybe she'd cry like a normal imaginary child instead of shouting "Kale! Swiss Chard! Kale!" all the time while glaring at me accusingly.


(via Adrants)

Obviously, Sammy The Stork has never seen I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, because this isn't how surprise pregnancies work. A guy in a stork costume doesn't walk into a Mexican restaurant and declare who is pregnant and who is not. What usually happens is that you ignore all the back pain, fatigue, and various other signs of pregnancy for about nine months until one day you go to the bathroom and give birth on the toilet—which, according to I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, is the most common place to unknowingly have a baby. If you do make it to a hospital, you'll say "What?!" melodramatically about five times when the doctor informs you that you're pregnant. (This makes for great reenactments.)  The good news is, even if you give birth on the toilet to a baby you didn't know you were having, it'll probably be fine and you can sell your story to TLC who will very kindly reenact your pregnancy as a kind of replacement birth video for your child (and the whole nation) to see.