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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled iRock of Love/i: Episode 4
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Illustration for article titled iRock of Love/i: Episode 4

"This is my gift, the biggest gift I have given in a long time." With these kind, courageous words, Aubrey asked for her tour to end tonight so her bi-polar BFF Kristy Joe could remain on the show (I think) against her will. But it turned out Aubrey was going to shipped off by Bret anyway, rendering the climatic "drama" anti-climatic. In short, it was another lackluster installment in an alarmingly dull sophomore season of Rock Of Love, or as I not-so-lovingly call it, Bret Michaels' Fake Boob N' Bandana Hair Komedy Kalvacade.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, Rock Of Love 2 still has, at most, five female contestants you can name on sight; spends way too much on idiotic challenges; and fobs off badly-padded, marginal conflicts as high melodrama. Once again, Kristy Joe was the focal point, her split personality manifested but the heavily lacquered, sane Kristy Joe and the no-make-up, Gollum-ish, batshit crazy Kristy Joe. (Don't blame me for the "Gollum-ish" comment, blame my girlfriend, who's getting cagey after being forced to stare at Daisy's dirty upper lip for another week.) The once-divorced, wannabe-twice-divorced Kristy Joe had several breakdowns tonight, but the worst came after Bret supposedly "talked shit" about her to the other girls and implied she might "be there for the cameras" instead of degrading sex with a skeezy, sleazy rock star. Being there for the cameras is the biggest and only sin in the moral vacuum VH1's "Celeb-Reality" universe, and Kristy Joe reacted with appropriate fury, tears, self-pity, and terror that she might not be allowed to continue her public meltdown for another episode. Fortunately, Aubrey took the hit, in a move that should have surprised no one except Aubrey. Reason tells us that complaining about not being noticed in the kitchen that one time is going to annoy a guy with ready access to countless vacant-looking, big-breasted blondes who don't complain or even talk in complete sentences. Funny, you'd think a karaoke hostess would read people better.

(By the way, can someone explain the Kristy Joe "controversy" re: Bret supposedly saying she there was for the cameras? The scene where Bret was talking shit was so poorly edited that the only thing kinda derogatory I picked up from Bret was when he called her "what's-her-name?" If "what's-her-name?" is now considered an insult, I have unwillingly disgraced nearly everyone on this season's Rock Of Love. Apologies.)

In other news, Peyton was saddened after losing the "put the motorcycle together" challenge I didn't pay much attention to. (I did notice that Peyton is starting to really look like Eddie Money, though, which I guess is sort of interesting.) Apparently Inna won a solo date with Bret, but her time alone with Bret was a bore, too. Inna, you are officially a disappointment. I know you have a crazy bitch inside of you. Now go find her and dropkick this Kristy Joe subplot outta here!

Grade: C

Stray observations

—So, did Bret and Daisy fuck or not? I say not, because if they had you know they would have shown it, or at least implied it much stronger than they did. Your thoughts?

—Daisy: "I don't know anything about motorcycles other than guys that ride motorcycles are hot!"

—Destiney: "If someone would have told me what a Philips was or something I could have figured it out."

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