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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled iProject Runway/i: What A Girl Wants
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Illustration for article titled iProject Runway/i: What A Girl Wants

So you're a Catholic school student in New Jersey going to prom. Would you rather wear a cheap-looking, rather unflattering red halter dress, or a gauzy pale pink blob (covered in the tears of a hat enthusiast) that makes you look like a stale marshmallow? You would pick the halter. After all, it's red, it's a halter, and if nothing else it would upset your parents. Say what you will about Only-Straight-Guy-Here Kevin, he knows his customer.

He also definitely didn't deserve to be kicked off for his unsuccessful prom dress—not when Ricky essentially draped his customer in failure trimmed with blah. Still, there Kevin was, issuing a final "I'm straight." reminder ("If nothing else I got to hug Heidi Klum. Not bad. Did I mention I'm heterosexual?") after being kicked off in lieu of Ricky (technically, Christian was in the bottom two with Kevin, but that had more to do with Christian's bitchiness than with his design. More on that later.) Are the judges just keeping Ricky there because they need a guaranteed miss every round? Are they hypnotized by his hats? Do the producers think that the tears of a hat-clown are built-in drama instead of built-in irritation? This elimination seemed spectacularly unfair.

In fact, the judging seemed pretty unfair in general this episode. Victorya's youthful, bejeweled sack was the obvious winner, especially given the judges' love of all things sack and shapeless. And Rami's look was clearly for a 35-year-old going to a half-toga/half-dress dinner. But why wasn't Fattie Chris's green dress included in the top three? It was very well-done, very him, and very prom. Why all the gushing over Sweet P's pretty, but also pretty boring champagne gown? At least Chris's dress fit his model in the bust, unlike the top of Sweet P's dress, which hung like two dull silk hankerchiefs.

Of course, the whole challenge was really kind of dull. As soon as you saw the schoolgirls, the whole audience knew that the prom dress challenge wasn't going to just be about making a dress to please the 16-year-old customers. No, it was also going to be about making something that looked good, something that reflected each designer's individual aesthetic, and blah, blah, blah, everything else that they always tell the contestants whenever they have to design for specific client. In short, this challenge was the high school version of the model wedding dress challenge from Season 1. On paper it sounds pretty fun: Prom! High school! Difficult clients! But the whole thing felt tired.

In fact, this episode was saved from complete and total exhaustion by three things: 1. Prom pictures (Kevin's brunette Zach Morris look was great, as was the sight of a tat-free Kit) 2. Fattie Chris's quips ("I'm gonna make a poinsettia.") and 3. Christian's whiny assholery. When in trouble, bitch about a 16-year-old girl who is just as bitchy as you are! It figures that Christian would be bested in both whinyness and inflated sense of fabulousness by a high school student.

Grade: B-

Stray Observations:

—"She felt like sparkling." Don't you wish old French designers could describe everything always?

—Ricky Cry Count: 34, and set for much much more.

—Jillian's catatonia continues, unabated. It seemed to take her a good 30 minutes to describe her "inside of a jewelry box" dress, and to say, "Is my hair bigger than usual?"

—Is it possible that Christian just learned the word "fierce"? Why else would he use it so much?

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