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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Project Runway: "Lights, Camera, Sew!"

Illustration for article titled Project Runway: "Lights, Camera, Sew!"
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I just can't with this season. Ugh. Really, I just can't. What is this beige, drawn-out, string of boredoms that they're trying to pass off as Project Runway? Doesn't it seem like every episode just takes forever? The workroom segments alone seem like 60 minutes—but nothing ever happens in the workroom. Greasy Peppermint Patty makes some snide remarks. Ramon giggles. The contestants sew and sigh. Even worse, tonight they all spent 20 minutes asking each other "Hey, so what's your character?" Jesus. Asking each other producer-prompted questions about the challenge in the hope of creating drama? How low Project Runway has sunk.

Tonight, watching that goddamn Charmin bears that shit in the woods commercial for the second time, I thought, "I'm gonna have to watch this commercial at least 6 more times before some of the most boring deadweight is cut and this season has even a hope of getting interesting." Nothing like marking the passage of time with ads for ass wipes. Depressing, no? [By the way: There are an obscene amount of commercials during this show, right? Much more than usual. Am I imagining things?] These early episodes are just painful because there are about 35 contestants, and Project Runway's strict "top three/bottom three" edit  dictates that only a handful of these contestants will be characterized per episode. Louise lost a bobbin? Oh, she's either bottom or top three. Christopher's making a bustle? Hi, Top or Bottom Three. R'amon is dyeing something green? Congratulations on either winning or losing, R'amon. I really wish we could just fast forward to, say, episode 10.

These early-episode boredoms are usually minimized by, say, actual drama (as with last week's Sputtering Steamer lie) or interesting challenges. But this week's challenge was about as ho-hum as the saloon girl costume Shirin made tonight: Create a look inspired by a cinematic genre. Get it? Because of cinema… Motion pictures…the flickers..La la land! This is the worst LA-inspired challenge since "We're in LA! Make some surf-wear." I can't wait until we get to the inevitable "We're in LA! Make an outfit to go with sunglasses." challenge!

So, sure. All the designers have to make an outfit "inspired" by a film genre. Except the challenge wasn't really to take inspiration from the genres and create an outfit, it was to come up with a character in one of those genres and make her a costume. Basically, this whole challenge was "a little costumey."

Some people made Ricky's Halloween costumes, rather than actual movie costumes. For example, Shirin had "Western" so she made a saloon girl costume that any CVS would be happy to put in a bag and sell in its aisles for $29.99. Althea had "Film Noir," and she made what can only be called a "Sexy Dame" costume (it would retail for about $19.99). The two designers who had "Action Adventure" both went with non-descript, vaguely post-apocalyptic catsuit costumes. And, of course, both Louise ("Film Noir") and Gordana ("Period Piece") made run-of-the-mill flapper outfits—though only Louise's would probably be sold in a bag in the Rite Aid Halloween aisle. You'd probably have to go to an actual costume shop and rent Gordana's sparkly gold one.

So which of the boring costumes were the most boring? It was probably a tough call for the random assemblage of ever-rotating Project Runway judges, but apparently they hate flappers the most, so Louise and Gordana were in the bottom three—along with Ra'mon's "Sci-Fi" House Of Dereon garish green dress.  As for the top three, at least two of them were deserving: Epperson's romantic-yet-tough, period-Western-but-modern ruffled denim dress; and Nicolas's cool, intricate, white ice queen gown. Then there was Christopher's "Period Piece" bustle gown. Apparently, the period in which Christopher's character lived was "The Piles Of Random Ugly Fabrics Age." His dress looked like a laundry basket come to life, but the judges LOVED it. Who knew the 18th century was all about looking like the proverbial hot mess, but with a bustle? The random assortment of judges knew, that's who!


In the end, Nicolas won, and R'a'm'o''n was sent home because, even though he had a great story, his work was poorly executed. A little ironic considering this Project Runway season thus far, no? Project Runway is a great story, but season six's execution sucks.

Grade: B-

Stray Observations:    

—The best part about R'am'on's disco frog dress was when the model dramatically tore off that tiny scrap of the armband at the end of the runway. What was that?


—Irina's spidery, black and lace Film Noir gown, like Epperson's Western dress and Nicolas' ice queen dress, was an original costume, rather than a mass-produced Halloween one. She probably should have been in the top three over Christopher.

—"She just discovered oil." Great backstory, Gordana!

—Aww. Carol-Hannah has a (sure to be disappointing) crush on Logan, y'all.

—Why do all the designers hate Westerns so much?