Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Pour a tall glass of milk—it’s time for two hours of Cookie

Illustration for article titled Pour a tall glass of milk—it’s time for two hours of Cookie

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, March 18. All times are Eastern.


Top pick

Empire (Fox, 8 p.m.): Two hours of Cookie. Two. Hours. Of. Cookie. We’re willing to bet Tyrese has his DVR set, but do you? Of course you don’t—unlike Tyrese, you’ll be watching Two Hours Of Cookie (also known as the Empire season finale) live. Fox has the show starting at a special time—a whole hour earlier—to provide the world with these two hours of Cookie, but sadly, once they’re over, so is the first season of Empire. Joshua Alston really hopes it’s two hours of Cookie telling random characters who they’re “fake ass” versions of, while a “Drip Drop”/“You’re So Beautiful” mash-up plays.


Also noted

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Netflix, 6 p.m.): We actually have quite a few shows to say goodbye to tonight. Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya’s coverage of Netflix comedy Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt ends today, just in time for all of us to start re-watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Again.


Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.): This week, there are actually two back-to-back new episodes, because every show now wishes it could be Two Hours Of Cookie. If we’re being perfectly honest, Carrie Raisler wishes every show could be Two Hours Of Cookie too.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (FXX, 10 p.m.): In It’s Alway’s Sunny’s season 10 finale, “Ass Kickers United: Mac And Charlie Join A Cult,” Mac and Charlie… Well they obviously somehow end up joining a cult. From the episode description, “Asskickers” is supposedly a new way to work out, one that is possibly a cult, and even more possibly Crossfit. Dennis Perkins doesn’t see how anyone could jump to such conclusions, but he just might be in on the conspiracy.


Broad City (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.): Farewell, Broad City. Your second season is ending, and surely you’ll go out with a band: “Ilana’s 23rd birthday party is interrupted by a runaway teen who leads the celebration on a chase through St. Mark’s Place.” Ignoring for a moment that Ilana is turning 23, let’s just focus on the fact that a runaway teen is a part of the equation. Caroline Framke really has no idea how to process any of this, and that appears to be the way Broad City likes it.

Man Seeking Woman (FXX, 10:30 p.m.): In the first season finale of Man Seeking Woman, “Josh tries to get Maggie back.” That sure sounds like a man seeking a woman to us. Kate Kulzick will be around to investigate, but we’re pretty sure Man Seeking Woman just went full circle.


Every single one of these shows (even Survivor, simply because it’s two episodes instead of one) should dedicate their last few minutes to montages set to the most overused “graduation” song of all time (sorry, Vitamin C):

Regular coverage

Arrow (The CW, 8 p.m.)

Broadchurch (BBC America, 10 p.m.)

Workaholics (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.)

The Americans (FX, 10 p.m.)

Elsewhere in TV Club

The latest TV Club Inventory is the perfect thing for recovering in a post-St. Patrick’s Day world (assuming reading is something you like to do when you’re hungover). It’s “9 hangover cures from pop culture,” and fingers crossed these remedies don’t just make things worse for your fragile, dehydrated body.


Victor Beigelman also has a For Our Consideration about The Americans (a show that just so happens to be on tonight) being a show that is perfecting the art of the “slow burn.” Plus, at 10 a.m., TV Club 10 (courtesy of Noel Murray) looks at Maude and how it debated American culture in the 1970s.

TV Club Classic

Lost (Classic) (1 p.m.): Last week, Myles McNutt included this image at the end of his Lost (Classic) coverage. This week, as he covers the episodes “Every Man For Himself” and “The Cost Of Living,” who knows what art he’s going to unleash on the TV Club world? Please just say it’s not a shirtless Locke screencap again.


What else is on?

Melissa & Joey (ABC Family, 8 p.m.): Remember how last week we said that Melissa & Joey was having its series finale? As it turns out, that’s actually still a little bit away. You can take all of your tears back, because the show’s not over yet. As the theme song would sort of sing, we guess you’re stuck with it. This, however, is the spring finale before it comes back for its final stretch in June. Who knew an ABC Family sitcom could be so complicated? Cue “Good Riddance.”


Baby Daddy (ABC Family, 8:30 p.m.): Baby Daddy’s season finale features a fake secret admirer subplot. Cue “Good Riddance.”

Supernatural (The CW, 9 p.m.): Supernatural has a new time slot and with it, a new episode. This week, “Dean suspects Sam is hiding something.” Tune in next week when “Sam suspects Dean is hiding something!”


Hot In Cleveland (TV Land, 10 p.m.): While the ABC Family sitcoms are disappearing for a while, TV Land’s hit sitcom is returning to finish out its own final season. In the premiere, “Joy and Bob do damage control to cover up the details surrounding the mayor’s death.” Is Hot In Cleveland doing political conspiracies now? Has Hot In Cleveland become Scandal? Please say it has.

Impress Me (POP, 10:30 p.m.): This Rainn Wilson-produced YouTube comedy is making its POP TV series premiere tonight (after Schitt’s Creek at 10 p.m.), making it the network’s second scripted comedy series. The series follows celebrity impressionists Ross Marquand and Jim Meskimen as they attempt to crossover into the world of “dramatic actors.” That should go well.


The Soul Man (TV Land, 10:30 p.m.): The Soul Man is also back, for its fourth season premiere. That’s right—The Soul Man has been on for four seasons. And it’s coming back with a live episode. That’s right—they’re doing it live. It’s a live, fourth season, snow storm premiere episode of The Soul Man. Cue “Jesus Of Suburbia.”

Obsessed (BET, 7:30 p.m.): If you’ve never seen the Beyoncé-Idris Elsa-Ali Larter-Jerry O’Connell classic, then you’ve deprived yourself of this scene for far too long:

NCAA Basketball: North Florida versus Robert Morris (truTV, 6:30 p.m.) / Boise State versus Dayton (truTV, 9 p.m.): If you’ve got March Madness, truTV is the destination for your fix. Where can you find truTV? If you’ve got March Madness, you’ll just know. Good luck.


Lucha Underground (El Rey, 8 p.m.): Tonight’s Lucha Underground main event sees Mil Muertes versus Fenix—a man who is death personified versus a man who literally cannot die. At no point does anyone get assaulted for verbally insulting the United States of America. These are two major selling points if you ask us.

WWE NXT (WWE Network, 8 p.m.): This week, Kevin Owen beats down… er… takes on Alex Riley one-on-one. NXT is truly a happy place in an unhappy Universe.


In case you missed it

iZombie: In Carrie Raisler’s review of the pilot, she makes it clear that pop culture doesn’t necessarily need any more zombie-based entertainment, but iZombie works because it’s not ‘just another zombie thing.’ We were honestly sold the moment Rob Thomas and Diane Ruggiero-Wright’s involvement in this project was announced, but Carrrie’s review hits the nail right on the head about why you should check it out.


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