Suburgatory (ABC, 8:30 p.m.): We have a soft spot for this show, which can be both unapologetically silly and full of heart. Still, we were totally blindsided by the fact that it’s coming back for its third season tonight. Todd VanDerWerff’s seen the first few episodes, and has reassured us that Parker Young defecting to Enlisted is only a bump in Chatswin’s meticulously paved road. Weekly reviewer Brandon Nowalk is brushing off his country club membership as we speak.
Arrow (CW, 8 p.m.): Arrow gets stuck in a “bomb-laden antiques store,” which sounds super tense and everything, but now all we can think about is never saying, “like a bull in a china shop” again so we can say, “like an Arrow in a bomb-laden antiques store” always. We’re confident that Alasdair Wilkins will join us eventually.
The Middle (ABC, 8 p.m.): Sue and Axl engage in an unholy prank battle after one steals the other’s mascot head. Will Harris can’t even tell you how many times he’s had to deal with just such a thing.
Revolution (NBC, 8 p.m.): We haven’t seenRevolution in a while, so when TV Guide tells us that Neville and Julia will “continue their dance” tonight, we like to imagine that it’s referring to some kind of post-apocalyptic ballroom danceathon. Les Chappell will try to let us down easy.
Modern Family (ABC, 9 p.m.): The summary for this week’s episode promises that a high-school open house will take the Pritchetts “back in time.” We’re assuming they mean metaphorically speaking, but Joshua Alston’s holding out for a Delorean and/or flying phonebooth.
American Horror Story (FX, 10 p.m.): We could tell you that this episode features Cordelia making a sacrifice and that there’s a face-off with the Corporation, but let’s be real. We have no idea what’s happened, is happening, or will happen on this show, so we’re just going to let Todd VanDerWerff fill us in us later.
Top Chef (FX, 10 p.m.): Jon Favreau joins the chefs for po’boy week. Sonia Saraiya is sure her invite
Phil Dyess-Nugent loved Tim Gunn on Project Runway, but was disappointed that his stepping out of Heidi Klum’s statuesque shadow resulted in his underwhelming new show, Under the Gunn: “Maybe, by the time Under The Gunn really gets down to business, it’ll start to cook. But it seems a bad sign that, fresh out of the gate, it’s embracing some of the problems that have dragged Project Runway down in recent seasons—in particular, the use of gimmicky challenges that seem less interested in giving the designers a chance to show what they can do and more interested in backing them into a corner to see who’ll have a fit.”
WHAT ELSE IS ON
American Idol (FOX, 8 p.m.): The original singing competition show behemoth returns, kicking off with new judge Harry Connick Jr. and a two-hour bloc in Boston and Austin for part one of its thirteenth season premiere. There are a couple things that confuse us, here. What makes this just part one of a season premiere? Can’t a two-hour episode count as the premiere itself? Does this episode split its time between Boston and Austin specifically for rhyming reasons? And most importantly, what’s Harry Connick Jr. doing here when he’s supposed to be filming Dolphin Tale 2?! Always keeping us guessing, this show.
Nashville/Crazy Hearts: Nashville (ABC, 10 p.m./A&E, 11 p.m.): Once you’re done watching Connie Britton et. al grapple with Nashville politics, you can hop right over to A&E for the premiere of their country music reality show. Synergy: it’s what’s for dinner.
The Incredibles (Starz, 9 pm): You didn’t have to be overly familiar with superhero movies to enjoy Pixar’s family-friendly homage when it was released in 2003, but it’s even more relevant now that superhero blockbusters have dominated the past few years (give or take a Katniss Everdeen). It helps that The Incredibles is a total delight. It’s smart, thoughtful, irreverent, and most of all — oh crap. It got us monologuing.
Jazz at Spurs (ESPN, 8 p.m.): There’s an awful lot of basketball on tonight, so we won’t lie to you. We picked this game solely because “Jazz at Spurs” gives us some hilarious/horrifying middle-school dance recital flashbacks, which, yes, involve both jazz hands and spurs.
Now that you mention it:
Brandon Nowalk picked the ten most representative episodes of Gilligan’s Island, inviting us all to sit right back and hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip…something something, the Professor and MaryANN…
Also, our TV Roundtable tackled an episode of television that changed the game for dramas: The Sopranos’ “Funhouse.”
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Brooklyn Nine Nine: Molly Eichel checked in on the Golden Globes’ favorite comedy, and was happy to report that things are progressing quite nicely in Brooklyn’s ragtag-iest precinct.