If I had to name the three biggest trends for fall/winter 2009/2010, I'd probably go stand in my door frame, hit myself in the forehead with the door a couple hundred times (or until things turn into a bright white pain tunnel, whichever comes first) then I'd stumble back to my desk and write down: 1. Chunky knits, for sure, 2. Baggn's? 3. Snoods.

What's a snood, besides possibly the surname of that family of cartoon boogers in the Mucinex commercials, you ask? Why, it's a combination scarf/hood, obviously. Scarf n' hood…Snood! I'll give you a few minutes to find your own door frame.

From The Wall Street Journal:

The trend emerged on the Fall 2009 runways of designers like Missoni (knit snoods) and Burberry (plaid snoods) and also made an appearance in the commercial collections of Donna Karan and Yves Saint Laurent. Now it's gone mainstream, with retailers ranging from American Apparel to Zara getting behind the loopy style with snoods of varying lengths and monikers. The British version of GQ magazine's Web site recently posted a "Guide to Snoods," suggesting wearers try it "over a chunky knit or tailored jacket."

A few weeks ago Bloomingdale's urged customers to "make sure that you're seen in this lavish new accessory." Henri Bendel ranked the snood second amongst its top ten "things we fancy for fall" while Saks Fifth Avenue included it in its "Want It" fall campaign. "Gossip Girl" star Blake Lively was photographed in one on the show's set last month.

Advertisement

Yes, it's just sooo lavish to be seen in a sweater tube that sounds as if it's named after the elvish word for "turtle" and that makes you look like a depressed, homeless extra in The Road

But the real reason that fashion designers have so fallen in love with the snood isn't because of their post-apocalyptic refugee fantasies, or because one of the girls from Gossip Girl was conned into wearing one. No, it's because Lady Gaga wore them, back in 2008. She even used to sell "official Lady Gaga hood wraps" on her website.

Advertisement

And you know what no one needs? Lady Gaga's 24/7 costumes translated into ready-to-wear, mass-produced trends like "snoods." No one should dress like Lady Gaga, except Lady Gaga. For one thing, Lady Gaga dresses for spectacle and shock value, and if everyone can buy that spectacle-making piece of clothing at Banana Republic, the shock value is greatly diluted. More importantly, a lot of the stuff she wears is hideous or impractical. (Which is kind of the point.) Take, for example, this look from her new video "Bad Romance":

Advertisement

Razorblade sunglasses. What's more lavish than the fear of slitting your eyeballs? We could call them "Unchienandalous"!

Or this:

Advertisement

A bear-skin rug/coat! Why didn't we mass-produce this before? It's just so plush and luxe—and the sound of the bear's head thump, thump, thumping on the pavement behind you as you walk is probably as comforting as your mother's heartbeat!

Or this:

Advertisement

Just look at this perfectly luxurious accessory! A combination necklace and tiara worn across the face? A diamond facelace! Clearly, everyone who shops at Bloomingdale's and Ann Taylor should own one of these.

Or this:

Advertisement

Ooh..Glitzy headgear! Gleadgear! You know, the main reason that most men don't accentuate their jawlines with precious metal moldings is because they don't know how. This item can change that.

That last photo perfectly illustrates how stupid non-Lady-Gagas look when wearing things only Lady Gaga should wear. Not everyone can dress like the costume design of The 5th Element multiplied by insanity. In fact, only one person can.