Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, February 1. All times are Eastern.
The X-Files (Fox, 8 p.m.): IT’S THE KUMAIL NANJIANI EPISODE, ZACK HANDLEN! Rhys Darby is also present. (Speaking of, you can read an Interview with him right here.) He is playing “Guy Man.” And Tyler Labine is here too, as “Stoner #1. Wait, what exactly is this show?
Supergirl (CBS, 8 p.m.): It’s the Bizarro episode, Caroline Siede! We’d throw in the all-caps like we did with The X-Files’ entry, but after season seven of Smallville, we’re a little wary when it comes to Bizarro-related things on live-action television. Why would Bizarro also be in love with Lana Lang? Wouldn’t that just mean Clark isn’t really in love with her? Oh wait, we forgot: She’s Lana Lang, and “everything she does is beautiful, everything she does it right.” (Um, just consider this your friendly neighborhood What’s On Tonight contributor’s late entry to that “What TV character manages to ruin a show you like?” AVQ&A.)
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (The CW, 8 p.m.): Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is starting off a new month with its characters re-living the past. You know, that healthy approach to life. “When Rebecca finds out Josh is a volunteer at a camp for at-risk teens, she realizes it is the perfect opportunity to remind Josh about the amazing times they had together at camp. Meanwhile, Darryl tries to re-capture his youth by throwing a party, where Greg encounters someone from his past.” Allison Shoemaker remembers camp. That’s when she met the twin sister she never knew she had, and they both realized they needed to get their immature parents back together. It didn’t work out.
WWE Monday Night RAW (USA, 8 p.m.)
Jane The Virgin (The CW, 9 p.m.)
The Magicians (Syfy, 9 p.m.)
“Elsewhere in TV Club” is proud to be an American, because at least it knows it will have TV Club features with America(n) in the title. (Those lyrics are currently in the works, obviously.) First up is the pre-air review for Ryan Murphy’s American Crime Story: The People Vs. O.J. Simpson. Is it just Scream Queens with history? Not according to Joshua Alston’s pretty glowing review of the series, which should come as a surprise to everyone. In fact, he says “it feels less like a true-crime miniseries and more like a rich, layered legal drama.” Wow.
Then, keeping the America theme is the Inventory on 11 failed English-language crossovers. Ah, that should be fun. Failure’s always great, you know?
By the way, Deon Cole is also American, and he has 11 Questions to answer.
The Bachelor / Bachelor Live (ABC, 8 / 10 p.m.): “The first international stop of the season finds Ben and the 11 remaining bachelorettes traveling to Mexico City, one of the largest metropolitan areas in the world.” Thanks for the geography lesson, The Bachelor. Oh wait, they’re not done milking this location change. Not by a long shot. “Amanda has a thrillingly romantic one-on-one date with Ben, soaring over ancient ruins in a hot-air balloon. The women will attempt to learn Spanish with Ben but they immediately need to use their new-found knowledge to go shopping for a cooking competition. Lauren H. has a spring in her step as she and Ben walk the runway with top models during for Mexico City’s Fashion Week.” All we can think about is Mark Orlando and Julie Gristlewhite salsa dancing, because we honestly miss Burning Love more and more each day. Mucho gusto!
Fashion Police (E!, 8 p.m.): SAG style, baby. SAG style.
Kids Baking Championship (Food Network, 8 p.m.): “The six remaining kid bakers get creative when they invent lunch box desserts.” Congratulations, ‘90s kids. You were all secret kid bakers when you were playing with your food in elementary school.
The Fosters (Freeform, 8 p.m.): “Callie and Brandon worry their secret has gotten out.” Sigh. Wait, let us back up: Sigh.
Superstore (NBC, 8 p.m.): Aww yeah, it’s a “Wedding Day Sale,” son. “Preparing for their annual wedding themed sale, the employees of Cloud 9 experience the most hectic day filled with frantic and aggressive customers.” We’re talking wedding dresses. We’re talking… wedding dresses. Also, there’s a plot about Christians and gay marriage that should be a doozy. Superstore! (We’re testing that exclamation out this week.)
Antiques Roadshow (PBS, 8 p.m.): “A Capote manuscript, a jazz musician archive and a Mississippian effigy. Which is the top find?” Shouldn’t you be telling us, Antiques Roadshow? Come on now—you know how this goes.
Love & Hip Hop (VH1, 8 p.m.): It’s “The Long Game,” huh? Huh.
Telenovela (NBC, 8:30 p.m.): Oh boy. In “Sexual Awakening,” things get… sexual. “Ana and Mimi are shocked to find a sexy picture of Ana under Mimi’s son’s mattress. They recruit the help of the whole cast to figure out how to give Mimi’s son ‘the sex talk.’” We’re guessing it’s too much to ask that this episode ends up being a musical with Zachary Levi singing—a request was granted in full last week, even though Zachary Levi’s character may have died at the end—but we can accept it.
American Dad (TBS, 8:30 p.m.): Despite the lies, “Threat Levels” is not tonight’s episode of American Dad, because that’s the second episode ever of the entire series. Instead, it’s “The Life Aquatic with Steve Smith,” in which “Steve joins the water polo team to get girls.” Sorry, season one bum fights.
Vanderpump Rules (Bravo, 9 p.m.): “Find more about Vanderpump Rules.” We’re trying, but this is all you’re giving us, TV Guide Dude. Not cool.
War & Peace (A&E/History Channel/Lifetime, 9 p.m.): Part three! Part three! Part three! You’re not all war and/or peaced out, right? Right? (Your friendly neighborhood What’s On Tonight contributor kind of is.)
Lucifer (Fox, 9 p.m.): “When a movie star’s son is killed after being chased by the paparazzi, Chloe takes a deep look into the case with a little help from Lucifer. Meanwhile, Maze and Amenadiel continue to encourage Lucifer to go back to hell in the all-new “Lucifer, Stay. Good Devil.” episode of Lucifer.” This is the best thing we’ve read all day.
The Biggest Loser (NBC, 9 / 10 p.m.): “One contestant sends two others home for a week in the first half of this combined episode. In the second half, all the players leave the ranch for a week to see how they face daily real-world challenges.” We assume it all ends with shame, the true theme of this season of The Biggest Loser.
Angie Tribeca (TBS, 9 p.m.): “A baker is murdered and the lieutenant is just sick about it. Tribeca turns up the heat to find the murderer.” Don’t like spoilers? Then don’t look up the episode title for this, the second episode of Angie Tribeca. Do not. You were warned. Okay, thanks, bye.
Stevie J & Joseline Go Hollywood (VH1, 9 p.m.): “Find more about Stevie J & Joseline Go Hollywood.” We’re trying to, TV Guide Dude, but you won’t let us. Come on. You’re making us look bad here.
The Graham Norton Show (BBC America, 10 p.m.): Who do we have on the couch tonight? Will Smith!
Zayn Malik! Ryan Reynolds! Catherine Zeta-Jones! Toby Jones! Any other Joneses? No! But that’s who we have tonight! And Laura Mvula performs! Hopefully Will Smith’s son doesn’t rap again!
House Hunters / House Hunters International (HGTV, 10 / 10:30 p.m.): In House Hunters, “Young Buyers Look for Character in Arlington, Texas,” which is fine or whatever. However, House Hunters International has an episode title that’s a good one to make immature folks like us giggle: “Transfer To Assen.” Hehe. Ass. In. Assen.
Teen Mom OG (MTV, 10 / 11 p.m.): The presence of “Skeletons In The Closet” apparently isn’t enough to end Teen Mom (OG or otherwise), and as such, there is a half-hour “Closer Look” after the fact.
Lost Girl (Syfy, 10 p.m.): Canada already finished Lost Girl up a while back, but now it’s the States’ turn. So in the fifth (and final) season winter premiere, “44 Minutes To Save The World” (not “44 Minutes To Fae-ve The World,” unfortunately), “Bo and her allies race to stop an ancient evil from wreaking mass destruction.”
Fameless (TruTV, 10 / 10:30 p.m.): First up, “pranks include: fame-seeker; cosmetics promotion; and memorable tattoo.” After that, we’re not quite sure. But don’t you think the first episode pretty much did it all?
Hit The Floor (VH1, 10 p.m.): “Fake Out.” That’s it. That’s all we know. Oh, we also know that “Fake Out” makes us think of “Freak Out,” so:
Watch What Happens: Live (Bravo, 11 p.m.): We think it’s these people:
Almost Royal (BBC America, 11 / 11:30 p.m.): This show is apparently not The Royals.
True Life (MTV, 11:30 p.m.): Tonight’s True Life is “I Have A Dangerous Eating Obsession.” Spoiler alert, etc.
Ben-Hur (TCM, 4 p.m.): It’s Oscar season, so why not watch a movie that won 11 Oscars (including Best Picture, of course)? We apologize for starting an #OscarsSoWhite discussion with this choice.
Vertical Limit (HBO, 6:45 p.m.): Maybe this time we’ll finally watch the movie. After all, the only memory we really have of it is seeing the trailer on the VHS for Charlie’s Angels:
Ooh, we wonder if Charlie’s Angels is on…
Is not on.
Béisbol: Serie del Caribe 2016: Puerto Rico vs. Venezuela (ESPN Deportes, 2 p.m.)
Premier League Transfer Deadline Day Show (NBC Sports, 5 p.m.)
Women’s Basketball: Notre Dame at Duke (ESPN2, 6 p.m.)
Béisbol: Serie del Caribe 2016: México República Dominicana (ESPN Deportes, 6:50 p.m.)
College Basketball: North Carolina at Louisville (ESPN, 7 p.m.)
College Basketball: Howard at Maryland (Eastern Shore) (ESPNU, 7 p.m.)
College Basketball: SMU at Houston (CBS Sports, 8 p.m.)
Sportscenter Special: Super Bowl Opening Night (ESPN2, 8 p.m.)
NBA Basketball: Magic at Spurs (FSN, 8:30 p.m.)
College Basketball: Texas at Baylor (ESPN, 9 p.m.)
College Basketball: North Carolina State at Florida State (ESPNU, 9 p.m.)
Women’s Basketball: Arizona State at Oregon State (ESPN2, 11 p.m.)
Galavant: Ended its second season.