Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Mmm whatcha say, mmm that you’re Dancing With The Stars

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, March 21. All times are Eastern.

Top pick

Dancing With The Stars (ABC, 8 p.m.): Mischa Barton is finally on Dancing With The Stars, so we’re celebrating with some of our favorite Marissa Cooper moments from The O.C.

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Yes, that was totally worth it to make this the top pick. And come on—we do have a favorite Marissa Cooper moment. We’re not monsters.

Also noted

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (The CW, 8 p.m.): In “Josh Has No Idea Where I Am!,” Crazy Ex-Girlfriend gets real: “Rebecca gets stuck on a plane with her therapist (guest star Michael Hyatt), who takes her on a surprising journey.” Also, Amber Riley and Ricki Lake guest star, which is pretty cool. Allison Shoemaker guesses her invitation to guest star was lost in the mail. No big deal.

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Bates Motel (A&E, 9 p.m.): “Norma and Romero take a big step.” Well the episode is titled “‘Til Death Do You Part,” so that big step probably has something to do with murder. Honestly, we think every episode synopsis has something to do with murder (until proven otherwise), and that’s not just exclusive to Bates Motel. Come on—you know you do too, Genevieve Valentine. Hey, by the way, Genevieve Valentine is filling in for Alex McCown this week!

Jane The Virgin (The CW, 9 p.m.): “Xo has invited Alba’s old flame Pablo (guest star Marcelo Tubert) to visit. This does not sit well with Alba as she believes Pablo is cursed and will bring bad luck.” And that’s why he’s an “old flame” instead of a new one, Xo! Come on! Hopefully Pablo being cursed doesn’t affect Oliver Sava’s ability to review this episode. If so, then we’re really disappointed in Xo.

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The Magicians (Syfy, 9 p.m.): “Penny learns for himself that the world of the Neitherlands is not as friendly as he had assumed.” We kind of think that one’s on you, Penny. The world is called “the Neitherlands.” That just screams unfriendly. Are we right or are we right, Lisa Weidenfeld?

Damien (A&E, 10 p.m.): Well that was a fun experiment… Yes, regular coverage for Damien was not meant to be, and with a synopsis that begins like this—“Damien advises an old friend about Rutledge’s intentions”—and ends like this—“Rutledge gains Damien’s trust after a mysterious death.”— we can honestly understand why. You’d never see anything like that in a Lucifer synopsis… Anyway, Emily L. Stephens has decided to send Damien coverage off with a Viking funeral, so that should be fun.

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Regular coverage

House Of Cards (Netflix)

11.22.63 (Hulu, midnight)

Supergirl (CBS, 8 p.m.)

Gotham (Fox, 8 p.m.)

WWE Monday Night RAW (USA, 8 p.m.)

RuPaul’s Drag Race (Logo, 9 p.m.)

Better Call Saul (AMC, 10 p.m.)

Elsewhere in TV Club

Miko Vago takes Doctor Who through the Wiki Wormhole, and it’s about time. Get it? “About time.” You get it, nerds.

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Also, your friendly neighborhood What’s On Tonight’s contributor still isn’t 100% sold on The Catch being a real show, but Joshua Alston’s pre-air review of the new Shondaland series is doing its best to convince her.

What else is on?

The Fosters (Freeform, 8 p.m.): “The opening night of Brandon’s R + J: A Romeo and Juliet Tale rock musical brings Mariana and Mat’s feelings for each other to the surface.” Hopefully said feelings aren’t enough to cause them to end their lives over each other, but then again, teenagers and Romeo And Juliet never seem to end with the right message coming across.

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The Voice (NBC, 8 p.m.): Singing in a boxing ring! Singing in a boxing ring!

Love & Hip Hop (VH1, 8 p.m.): It’s the Love & Hip Hop season six reunion (part one, of course), and there are a lot of reunion things happening here: “Nina Parker reunites the cast to discuss this season’s drama; Rah Ali confronts Yandy; MariahLynn and Cardi B target BBOD; Tara questions Amina’s marriage to Peter; and Amina shares big news.” See? A lot of reunion things.

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American Dad (TBS, 8:30 p.m.): “Roger grows obsessed with a fictional boy from an old game.” We feel ya, Roger. It’s Frogger, right? (Frogger was totally a boy, right?)

Vanderpump Rules (Bravo, 9 p.m.): After you’ve got one reunion (part one!) out of the way, you can flip to Bravo and watch another. With so much television on the airwaves today, why not just cut out the middle man and only have reunions? We’re already so hyped for the American Dad reunion, so who needs that whole “season” thing?

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Scorpion (CBS, 9 p.m.): Last week, it was a character named “Haywood ‘Jahelpme’ Morris.” This week, Scorpion has decided to title an episode of television “Djibouti Call.” No, we’re not making this up. “While on a secret mission in Djibouti, Africa, with his new Homeland protégé, Tim Armstrong (Scott Porter), Cabe is captured and Team Scorpion must save him.” But hey—Scott Porter! (Horatio Sanz’s Haywood ‘Jahelpme’ Morris is also in this episode.)

Pickle & Peanut (Disney XD, 9 p.m.): “When McSweats gets dumped by his girlfriend Francine, Pickle and Peanut try to reunite the couple.” Aw, that’s nice.

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Cake Wars (Food Network, 9 p.m.): Cake Wars is “celebrating 75 years of the Archie comic book.” Here’s our contribution to the celebration:

Lucifer (Fox, 9 p.m.): This week on Lucifer, “A Priest Walks Into A Bar.” Wocka. Wocka. Lucifer.

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Recovery Road (Freeform, 9 p.m.): “Maddie is worried about Wes, and news comes to light that may force someone out of the house for good.” Brightside? No one’s performing a Romeo And Juliet musical.

Everything Is Copy (HBO, 9 p.m.): “Profiling multitalented writer Nora Ephron. Friends and family discuss the late Ephron’s keen wit, her remarkable body of work—which includes everything from newspaper columns to classic films—and her private battle with leukemia.” Nora Ephron! Clap, clap, clapclapclap!

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Angie Tribeca (TBS, 9 p.m.): “Tribeca and Geils infiltrate a band of British gangsters, only to land in prison. Meanwhile, the lieutenant’s meningitis worsens.” Lieutenant, no! Someone please help him!

Stevie J & Joseline Go Hollywood (VH1, 9 p.m.): In the first season finale of Stevie J & Joseline Go Hollywood, it’s “ATL Or Bust.” “Joseline’s enjoying her new life in Los Angeles, but Stevie must return to Atlanta to take care of some unfinished business.” You can practically feel the excitement, can’t you?

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Castle (ABC, 10 p.m.): “When a recruit officer at the NYPD Academy is killed, Beckett and the team go back to their old training ground to investigate.” Alright, that checks out. “Meanwhile, Castle must reckon with a decision with profound consequences for him and Beckett.” First of all, those are definitely words in a proper order. Second of all, that’s one way to keep two leads who are supposed to be in love apart.

NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS, 10 p.m.): “Callen and the team try to save a child in imminent danger who has been brainwashed by a terrorist cell. Also, Deeks and Kensi discuss having children.” There goes NCIS: Los Angeles with its perfect timing: Who wouldn’t want to discuss having children when your team has to save a child who’s been brainwashed by a terrorist cell? Then again, we’re pretty sure Deeks and Kensi have been discussing having children for the past three episode synopses, so they’ve got to keep it fresh somehow.

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Blindspot (NBC, 10 p.m.): “OUR TEAM CONFRONTS SOME CORRUPT I.C.E. AGENTS.” You’ve got to appreciate how Blindspot synopses call them “our team.” That’s how you build a bond between the audience and a show!

Lost Girl (Syfy, 10 p.m.): It’s the disappointing series finale of Lost Girl, everyone!

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Hit The Floor (VH1, 10 p.m.): “Devil’s Nation suffers a devastating loss. Meanwhile, Lionel’s actions impact everyone’s lives; Zero seeks out someone from his past; and Jelena struggles to come out on top against a seemingly unbeatable opponent.” Hit The Floor sure knows how to hit the vague.

Bitten (Syfy, 11 p.m.): “Elena and Clay team up against a deadly new foe as they attempt to save the imprisoned Marsten.” Hope Clay doesn’t screw everything up. What? Come on, he’s been screwing everything up lately! At least according to the episode synopses.

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Kingsman: The Secret Service (HBO, 6:45 p.m.): How many times have you found yourself in a conversation about Kingsman: The Secret Service that started with the other person in the conversation saying “actually…”?

Friends With Benefits (Lifetime, 8 p.m.): This is the one with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis.

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Soul Plane (HBO Comedy, 8:30 p.m.): Unsurprisingly, TV Guide Dude has some opinions on Soul Plane: “Bumpy takeoff on Airplane! that never really gets off the ground. Method Man and Kevin Hart star as entrepreneurs who start an airline that caters to a black clientele. Mo’Nique, Tom Arnold. Snoop Dogg has some good lines as a pot-smoking pilot; Karl Malone has a cameo as himself.” TV Guide Dude really wanted to a reason to use “bumpy takeoff” in a synopsis, and this was the place to do it. Also: “Snoop Dogg has some good lines as a pot-smoking pilot.”

Mad Max: Fury Road (HBO, 9 p.m.): How many times have you found yourself in a conversation about Mad Max: Fury Road that started with the other person in the conversation saying “actually…”?

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Sports, sports, all type of sports

MLB Spring Training Baseball: Red Sox at Cardinals (ESPN, 1 p.m.)

NCAA Women’s Basketball Tournament: Second round (ESPN2, 6:30 p.m.)

NIT Basketball Tournament: George Washington at Monmouth (ESPN, 7 p.m.)

NBA Basketball: Magic at Celtics (FSN, 7:30 p.m.)

NHL Hockey: Flyers at Islanders (NBC Sports, 7:30 p.m.)

NIT Basketball Tournament: Georgia Tech at South Carolina (ESPN, 9 p.m.)

NCAA Women’s Basketball Tournament: Second round (ESPN2, 9 p.m.)

In case you missed it

Shameless: Reaches “Peak Gallagher,” as Debbie delivers her baby.

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