Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Miley Cyrus Is Just Your Average Multi-Millionaire Hick

If you've been locked away in your remote cabin in the wilds of Wyoming, hard at work at making typesetting from your old fingernails for the antique printing press you plan to use to copy and distribute your manifesto, then you've probably missed out on hearing the current number one song in the country, Miley Cyrus' "Party In The USA."  Lucky hermit you.

Basically, the song sounds like a Kids Bop version of a Pink, excuse me, a P!nk song, if P!nk ever wrote a song for Applebee's. But if you listen to the lyrics—which is recommended, unless you want to concentrate on listening to the screams of thousands of dolphins as they drown in rubber cement, or whatever else is happening in the song's low rumble sound effect—the song is actually asking a very timely question, namely: How long can Miley Cyrus pretend to be a hick and get away with it?   

Oh, Miley. She's just your average, down-home, multimillionaire, child star, uber-famous regular country gal! She wears cowboy boots, y'all, cause she never got the memo about the stilettos—probably cause she was at the Oscars or sumthin' when they delivered it? Or maybe she was in a meeting about expanding her brand? There have been just sooo many of them, it's hard to keep track. But, whatevs. Point is: she ain't never got that memo. That's just Miley. She doesn't fit in to the whole famous/LA thang—it just makes her so nervous, even now after all these years and at least two idiotic, but carefully orchestrated, media controversies about her. So much pressure when you're head of a thriving business empire built off of your own name and image. Then a Britney song was on! Then a Britney song was on!


Also, since when does Miley Cyrus have a hometown? Everyone knows she sprang to life fully formed from the be-mulleted head of Billy Ray Cyrus.