Unsightly flab got you down? Is the sight of your own sagging skin literally making you sick? Do you find the natural, inevitable deterioration of your body due to age to be unacceptable and, in a word, disgusting? How much do you hate your saggy, old self?

It used to be that the only way to combat flabby arms or sagging skin was a series of strategically placed clothespins, or some complicated butcher's knot tied with fishing line along the upper arm or leg. (Or, you know, selling your human soul under the condition that a portrait of you will wither and rot instead of your corporeal form.) But clothespins look bulky under clothes, and butcher's knots tied with fishing line often chafe a woman's sensitive, wholly inferior skin. And the selling your soul option is obviously out, because who is going to paint a picture of hideous, old you? What is a girl to do?

Well, now, thanks to Magic Fat Tape, you can tape, tape, tape your way to a better, taped-together you!


Helpful tips for using Instant Arm Lift (aka Magical Fat Tape):

1. Don't sit, bend, walk, or move while using Magical Fat Tape.

2. If you hear a loud ripping sound, run as fast as you can to a field, large yard, or any other wide open space. This way, if your Instant Arm Lift fails, and your fat is unleashed back out around you like a great flood of cellulite, you won't suffocate.