Here’s what’s up in the world of television for Monday, June 2. All times are Eastern.
Ladies Of London (Bravo, 10 p.m.): Ladies Of London is an attempt to make the Real Housewives format work in London, because as we all know, British accents are just better than American ones. (Note: As far as we can tell, there are no actual Sir-and-Lady ladies in this pilot. There is one, apparently, that joins the cast later.) We should make this clear: Sonia Saraiya strongly disliked the pilot of this series, and in the linked review, gave it a D. But we’re choosing it for tonight’s top pick because it seems like the type of hilariously bad thing that you should know about, dear reader. Perhaps you will enjoy it! In that case, ignore all the stuff that Sonia said in her review (which pretty much slags on it for a while) (it’s unsparing) (but at least the rest of the review is about another show that she did like) (which we can’t make our top pick because it’s airing on Wednesday).
Longmire (A&E, 10 p.m.): The third season of this show starts tonight, as Walt deals with the aftermath of Henry’s arrest. We’re not covering tonight’s episode, but we will likely drop in at some point during the season, to weigh in on the long gazes mired in Wyoming.
Mistresses (ABC, 10 p.m.): Wait, you mean you’re not insanely excited for the second season of this nighttime soap, which we have never seen, but Carrie Raisler saw this one time? As far as we can tell, in this second-season opener the mistresses continue mistressing, while also attempting to engage in intrigue on the side. Savi has a new lease on life, which sounds healthy, and Joss is now a party planner. Hooray for Joss! Let’s go to Joss’ party!
Louie (FX, 10 p.m.): And as the “Elevator” series goes to bed in tonight’s part six, “Pamela” (re-)opens. Louie is a bright spot in the summer TV hellscape, and that is mostly because we think getting stuck in an elevator as a Hungarian is superior to humidity in all forms.
ELSEWHERE IN TV CLUB
In addition to our TV Review on Ladies Of London and Untying The Knot, which we’re packaging into an exciting article titled “Reality Roundup,” we’ve got a Random Roles with Kevin Dunn—of Veep, True Detective, and even 1998’s Godzilla—and an inventory penned entirely by Josh Modell of terrible representations of mental disability in pop culture. It’s a little depressing. Happy Monday!
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Justice League Unlimited (1 p.m.): Because of Memorial Day, Oliver Sava took off last Monday—but he’s back today, fear not! The Justice League stops for no one, except veterans!
Peep Show (3 p.m.): And TV Club Classic’s look at Peep Show starts today, as Phil Dyess-Nugent takes on the first two episodes for the fifth season—“Burgling” and “Spin War.” Expect bad “peep” puns in this space for the next several weeks.
WHAT ELSE IS ON?
Rewrapped (Food Network, 8 p.m.): “The chefs take on Pepperidge Farm Mint Milano Cookies.” Which are, obviously, vastly inferior to Pepperidge Farm Double Chocolate Milano Cookies. (Incidentally, this article on all of the Pepperidge Farm cookies is pretty legit, and not related to television in the slightest.)
Hoarders (Lifetime, 9 p.m.): Yes, even Hoarders has a “Where Are They Now?” episode. Summon the cat skeletons!
The Bachelorette (ABC, 9:30 p.m.): Andi heads to New England with the 13 remaining bachelors. What’s On Tonight lived in New England for seven years, and we can confirm that it is the least romantic place to bring anyone for anything. Perhaps all 14 of them are going to crowd onto a swan boat in the Boston Public Garden. Good luck with that, kids!
Sex Sent Me To The ER (TLC, 9 p.m.): “A video-game fantasy leads to injury; a man complaining of itchiness visits the ER.”
Miss Congeniality (ABC Family, 9 p.m.): Sandra Bullock stars as FBI agent going undercover as Gracie Lou Freebush, pageant contestant from New Jersey. She is an excellent representative of New Jersey, mostly because she shoves doughnuts down her dress.
Contact (Syfy, 9 p.m.): Oh shit, Contact! This movie is so great! Jodie Foster is in it, and there’s some stuff about her dad, and 36 hours of tape! We should probably watch it again, because that is the extent of what we remember. Maybe we’ll watch it tonight.
MLB: Royals at Cardinals (ESPN, 8 p.m.): All those semifinals for hockey and basketball finished up, and in the process of waiting for the finals to start, all we have are these dumb baseballs! Kansas City and St. Louis tonight, and no, we don’t know which Kansas City it is. (Also, there’s an East St. Louis in Illinois. This country is very confusing.)
ACTUALLY, LET’S JUST WATCH THAT CAT SKELETONS THING
God, I love Bronx Beat.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Enlisted: Fox is burning off the last few episodes of this sadly cancelled series over the next few weeks. We don’t know how to use firearms, but covering the last four episodes is our version of a 21-gun salute. And Les Chappell folded a flag into a triangle, but now doesn’t know where to put it.