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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Kid Nation: Not Even Close To Fair

Illustration for article titled iKid Nation/i: Not Even Close To Fair
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Illustration for article titled iKid Nation/i: Not Even Close To Fair

Watching tonight's Kid Nation, I couldn't help but think of that famous Comic Book Guy line: "Worst. Episode. Ever." (Hey, I wonder if anybody who reads The A.V. Club has an opinion about The Simpsons—I should check the message boards…) But that was just for the first 55 minutes, after which KN grew a couple of teeth, and left us with our first cliffhanger, or at least the first episode that merited a "to be continued" at the end. (Shouldn't all reality shows have that every time?)

Anyway, the show: As a commenter astutely pointed out on last week's blog, a new character introduction generally means that person will win the gold star. (Worth. Its. Motherfucking. Weight. In. Gold.) This time, though, they couldn't fool us. We met Hunter (is that the worst name for a kid ever?), the delightful, hardworking young Christian with a little bit of death in his eyes. He leads a small group through some Bible stuff. Whoopeeding. I am so bored. B-O-R-D. (That's more Simpsons, because at this point I'd rather watch a new Simpsons thrice than this episode once.)

But the big news comes, of course, from that wacky book from 1885. The old pioneers knew that a bunch of reality-TV children would be visiting in the future, and that they'd be arbitrarily divided into color-coded districts, and that it might stir some shit if those districts were changed at all more than halfway through the season. (Pioneers were smart!) So the council decided to switch things up, which didn't cause as much excitement as it might've. Annoying little chubster Emilie got happier, but more importantly:

Greg and Blaine were separated, which led to some very strange emotions that perhaps can only be experienced by adolescent boys. Turned out that Greg, the older "leader" of the duo, was much more upset by the split than Blaine, who viewed it as a chance to step out of Greg's shadow. It worked–the town loved the new Blaine, whose mean streak ended with his proximity to his best bud. (Greg gave Blaine a little shoulder rub at the end. Which I will not comment further on.)

It was all pretty standard-issue stuff, including another challenge lost, until the council meeting, in which Bonanza FINALLY lost another kid (Randi, the little princess who isn't quite as spoiled as Taylor). She left in tears and hugs, and blah blah blah–but that led right to the town's uprising against its Council. Elections will be held next week, and ineffectual group leaders Anjay (blue team, mercilessly mocked by his own people) and Zach (funny, lazy leader of the lazy yellows) will surely be ousted. The wild card: Laurel, the natural-born leader/potential psycho. If she's out, there could be hell to pay. Fine, I'll watch another week.

Grade: B-

Stray Observations

— Key Jared line, spoken to powerless leader Anjay: "You better lock your cell door tonight."

— Killer tease for next week: more fighting, and Sophia comparing the town to "a Nazi regime."

— Sophia swore at Guylan, and apparently said something so nasty that they not only beeped it, but blurred her mouth. I'm hoping it was, "You suck donkey balls," but I bet it was something closer to, "You're a jerkface!"


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