Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Tuesday, August 18. All times are Eastern.
Real Husbands Of Hollywood (BET, 10 p.m.): When Kevin Hart isn’t taking over modern comedy and/or winning dubiously deserved MVP awards in the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game, he’s the star, co-creator, and writer of this reality show parody about, well … it’s all pretty self-explanatory from the title, right? Also, Nick Cannon and Nelly are apparently the fourth and fifth credited leads on this show, so that’s fun.
Playing House (USA, 10 p.m.): This episode prominently features a sexy woodworking teacher, which we realize is redundant. All woodworking teachers are sexy. Otherwise all those brilliant “woodworking” double entendres just wouldn’t work conceptually. Molly Eichel gets whatever it is we’re blathering about, because she’s nice that way.
Another Period (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.): This episode prominently involves the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory, officially making this the single most tasteless television event of 1911. As a 127 year old at heart, LaToya Ferguson finds this all deeply offensive.
Punk’d (BET, 10:30 p.m.): And neither Ashton Kutcher nor Justin Bieber is involved. But one of the first of the new round of Punk’d-ees (technical term) is Chris Brown, so … yeah. Going to just back away from this one.
Zoo (CBS, 9 p.m.): Does it involve terrifyingly bloodthirsty rats? You better believe it involves terrifyingly bloodthirsty rates. And it’s called “The Cheese Stands Alone”! That’s the title of a theoretically serious hour of television about terrifyingly bloodthirsty rats! The world is amazing.
Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader (Fox, 8 p.m.): For fuck’s sake, of course we are! And we’ll say that verbatim to a fifth grader’s smug stupid face! (No, don’t try to tell us why that would be a bad idea. We need to find these things out for ourselves.)
Scream: The TV Series (MTV, 10 p.m.): No.
Noel Murray is doing a Very Special Episode on the Happy Days three-parter in which the Fonz jumped the shark, so we recommend going ahead and reading that right this very minute. What could you possibly have going on your life that’s better than reading what Noel Murray has to say about the most legendarily ludicrous moment in television history? (We realize that was a tad aggressive in its phrasing. We both apologize for and completely stand by that sentiment.
Hack My Life (truTV, 9 p.m.): The second season of this show kicks off with “hacks” that entail—and we really can’t believe we’re about to type this, but supposedly this is all real—cooking lasagna in a dishwasher and making breakfast with power tools. Those … those are not things, like in the sense that they’re not concepts that describe things that should exist. Those phrases are just big bags of words. Vote no on hacking, we guess is what we’re saying.
WAGS (E!, 10 p.m.): Oh hey! Here’s exactly the kind of thing Kevin Hart is parodying, only without even the slight layer of meta Kevin Hart and Nelly-led tomfoolery to make it more palatable: “Cousins Natalie and Olivia enter into a rivalry with former WWE Diva Barbie Blank in the premiere of this series, which revolves around the glamorous, perk-filled lives of the wives and girlfriends of pro athletes.”
How The Universe Works (Science, 10 p.m.): Gear up for the “Secret History Of The Moon,” which, yes please, as the episode explores “whether it is responsible for life on Earth, why it has sub-surface tunnels, and whether a lunar base is necessary for humanity’s future in space.”
Grand Budapest Hotel (Cinemax, 8:15 p.m.): A very creditable third best of last year’s Best Picture nominees—we realize how desperately you care about our dumb opinions on this meaningless topic, so know that we give a shared first place to Selma and Whiplash—this movie a particularly charming Wes Anderson confection taken somewhere far more dynamic and special by Ralph Fiennes’ glorious profane performance, as he grabs the film by the scruff of the neck and singlehandedly jolts it out of its more mannered rhythms. We’re fans of Fiennes, is what we’re driving at here.
First Blood/Rambo: First Blood Part II/Rambo III (Sundance, 6 p.m./8 p.m./10 p.m.): The best part of this particular Rambo marathon is that, after watching a relatively serious exploration of PTSD and America’s abandonment of its Vietnam vets devolve into Sylvester Stallone waging an entirely successful one-man war against all of Southeast Asia, you can then chase the whole experience with what comes on at 12:30 in the morning: Born On The Fourth Of July. It’s hard to imagine a more whiplash-inducing exploration of the Vietnam experience than going straight from Rambo III to Born On The Fourth Of July. Maybe just watch those two for the maximum effect, honestly.
World Series Of Poker (ESPN, 9 p.m.): Hey, how long ago was it that poker was actually a thing? We remember it being a huge thing in the early 2000s, and poker being a big plot point in, like, Casino Royale, and then … eh. Still, if you’re into this sort of thing, here’s the 2015 National Championship!
WWE Monday Night Raw: Wrestling loves you. Wrestling wants you to be happy. Wrestling is just putting all that out there, no pressure.