This morning, Joe Biden was on the Today show to talk about the Obama administration's first 100 days, to chuckle about not being included on People's Most Beautiful list, and to remind all Americans that the deadly pig plague is a dark cloud of death that will soon swallow us all whole. Our only chance for escape? Becoming hermits:

He has since backtracked, but good job, Sam. I mean, Vice President Joe Biden.

Instilling unfounded panic in an entire population by telling them basically to retreat from society as a whole lest they catch the Pig Death is a great tactic, but I think Biden could have done a much better job explaining why closing the Mexican border is a futile exercise. Instead of saying, "I don't think that analogy is appropriate, Matt." and hemming and hawing about why Mexico isn't like a water main break, Biden should have just said, "Look, Matt. We've seen what happens when we close borders and quarantine an entire populace in order to contain a disease. Eventually the weak ones inside die off, and an entire race of Mad Max-like super-punks arises who are constantly at war with the stone-cold Medieval super-race—and the disease gets out anyway! Everyone loses. Except moviegoers."