Sadness is all around us. This is Jessica Simpson's fault. She is a walking lacrimal gland, the font from which of all the world's tears spring, a (semi) conscious cloud of despair—yes, all sadness stems from Jessica Simpson.
So what is making Jessica Simpson sad today—thus causing a deep depression that will ripple across the globe, growing ever stronger with each passing day, until Jessica finds something new to be sad about? Jessica Simpson Sadness Watch is here to find out!
Q: What's making Jessica sad today?
A: Being in Africa.
If you guessed, "Margaritas," "The rain," or "I dunno, breathing?" better luck next time!