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Jersey Shore: “Situation Problems”

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And so it’s come to this: The Guidos and Guidettes are so over Italy. They’re having a slew of Guido/Guidette/Meatball problems and it’s causing mad drama. For instance, there’s nowhere to tan in Firenze. Even bigger than that, though, is the fact that, on their last Saturday night in town when they went to a massive outdoor club, the crowd turned on them, chanting “shame” and “piece of shit,” ultimately driving them from the venue.


It’s hard to know whether our Jersey pals took this to heart at all. Even though Vinny got a little quiet in his communion shoes, it sure seems like they didn’t. Snooki and Deena even went to another club, where they got in a fight with an ice-throwing bartender. He teased and they started throwing bottles. Then they came home kicking and screaming saying they have manners and respect for other people.

At this point, three seasons in, it’s pretty clear that the Jersey Shore definition of manners and respect — along with the definition of hot, smart, clean, and all sorts of other basic words — just doesn’t jive with the rest of humanity’s definition of the same word. That’s probably one of the reasons this show is successful, and fair enough. It’s funny when Snooki and Deena go out at 7:30 in the morning dressed like common streetwalkers. It’s funny when Mike gets stuck in a bathroom and breaks down the door to get out. The problem is that it’s also a little bit sad. Ladies, go home. You can do you, but that doesn’t have to be at the detriment to other too loud Americans. And does no one have any tools in the house? Ronnie and Mike had to bring down a whole door, frame and all? C’mon, dudes. Respect for property, even if it’s not something you own. You’re not in your first student rental, after all.

I don’t know why I’m surprised at this point, though, that Mike did something that shows he doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. That’s been the case for three years, and even if he cries crocodile tears on next week’s finale, it’ll probably be the case for the rest of his life to some extent. When he called Deena fat this week, she retorted, “I can lose weight for free. You need about ten grand to fix your face.” Harsh blow, and Mike probably doesn’t really need plastic surgery. What he does need, though, is a good therapist, so the ten grand could probably be funneled that direction if he really cared.

Ultimately, the gang decides at Sunday dinner that, as Vinny puts it, “I think being here, we can really appreciate what we’re going to have back in Jersey.” In Jersey, they run shit. They’re not some shameful crew of slutty Americans who can’t get it in with actual Italians. They know how grocery stores and BBQ grills work in Jersey. They always have family in Jersey who’ll tell them that whatever despicable thing they did, it’s okay because they’re stars, and that’s a big problem.


Stray observations:

  • Hey, remember Snooki’s Jionni drama, as featured in the first four minutes of the episode? She slept with Vinny and now her and Jionni are “working on it.” Right.
  • I’m very impressed with Pauly’s neat t-shirt stack, especially compared to the girls’ room, which looks like a stupid stuffed animal hurricane hit it. Apparently the ladies are bucking stereotypes by being totally gross.
  • “Me and Pauly should do sex.”
  • Guido/Guidette/Meatball problems include losing a tan, not going to the gym, hitting your head on a chandelier when you’re dancing on a table, burning your kookah in the Jacuzzi, and being kicked out of the club.
  • “At this point we’re tan girl wasted and we want to be meatball wasted.”
  • Did you guys know that Deena wants to be a singer? This hit the net this week and absolutely has to be posted here.

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