Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, February 4. All times are Eastern.

Switched At Birth (ABC Family, 8 p.m.):
Look. You know what we’re like here at What’s On Tonight. You know we like to joke and laugh, and you know we’re fans of the occasional song and dance number. But what you might not know is that we really want you to watch some of this crap, and some of the crap we most want you to watch is Switched At Birth, a wonderful little family drama that’s one of the best shows on TV at dealing with the class war in the United States. If you can’t stand Girls because it’s all about white, overprivileged people—which is totally fine!—this just might be the show for you. Carrie Raisler would love you forever if you checked it out. And don’t you want that?


Adventure Time (Cartoon Network, 7:30 p.m.):
“Finn’s hat comes to life while he’s swimming,” says the TV Guide description. Of course it does! Who hasn’t been swimming, then suddenly had to cope with a living hat. Oliver Sava once went swimming in his fedora, only to see it revert into a cow. Terrifying!

How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.): With as often as CBS advertised this one during the Super Bowl, we’ll be very disappointed if it doesn’t pull in 45 trillion viewers, including beings in other dimensions and parallel universes. Donna Bowman just realized this should’ve been called How I Met Your Mothra.


Regular Show (Cartoon Network, 8 p.m.): With an episode entitled “Ace Balthazar Lives,” we can only assume that the bird thing and raccoon thing will be acting out the further adventures of the character from the Nativity story. Alasdair Wilkins thinks it’s a bit late to be celebrating Candlemas, but oh well.

Bunheads (ABC Family, 9 p.m.): Sasha’s throwing a housewarming party, and just the mention of the name “Sasha” has us enthralled, because she’s easily the character on television we relate to most. Erik Adams wishes we hadn’t admitted this. He’s going to have to put us down… er… send us to the farm.

The Following (Fox, 9 p.m.): Tonight, no one is safe! Except for Kevin Bacon! Because he’s a central focal point for what’s become America’s new hit drama! And James Purefoy is probably safe, too! Because there wouldn’t be a show without him! David Sims debuts “All of the ways I love Kevin Bacon” this week.


RuPaul’s Drag Race (Logo, 9 p.m.): Oliver Sava would like to announce the first annual “AV Club comments section Drag Race.” What does this mean for you? Pretty much nothing, since the format of Drag Race wouldn’t work in text. But if you wanted to play out an episode in comments, go right ahead!

Batman: The Animated Series (1 p.m.):
In this episode, we are introduced to a young villainess named Roxy Rocket, which is just about the greatest name for a villainess ever. Oliver Sava wishes Roxy Rocket was a reporter for a no-good, yella-journalism-peddlin’ rag in the year 1926, but he can’t get everything.


Bones (Fox, 8 p.m.):
Sooner or later, everybody has to do a roller derby episode, and this time around, it’s going to be Bones, which sends Angela into the thick of the rollering, derbying young women who keep knocking each other over and stuff. We’re sure it will all end with some tasteful violence, yes sir.

Rules Of Engagement (CBS, 8:30 p.m.): Staggering out of the darkness for yet another midseason debut, it’s the unkillable Rules Of Engagement, which is all about how it’s weird to be married. We expect another short season that no one pays attention to, then a quiet pickup for another 13 episodes in May.


Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence In The House Of God (HBO, 9 p.m.): This riveting documentary about the Catholic sex abuse scandal only played theaters last year for a very short Oscar-qualifying run. But everyone can see it tonight on HBO. We’ve watched it, and we can assure you it’s terrific stuff.

Monday Mornings (TNT, 10 p.m.): (To the tune of Sugar Ray’s “Every Morning.”) Monday Mornings is a TV drama/ that’s debuting/ at 10 p.m./ on TNT./ We’re making/ VanDerWerff review it/ because he used to like David E. Kelley./ Didn’t really need/ another medical show./ But once again/ here’s one anyway/ he’ll review it/ and he’ll let you know. (SHUT THE DOOR BABY/ DON’T SAY A WORD.)

The Legend Of Bagger Vance (Cinemax, 7:50 p.m.): Hey. What are you doing tonight, baby? You wanna watch Bagger Vance? No? Well, you could just stick around, and we could watch Bagger Vance extras. Doesn’t that sound fun? No? Aw. You’re never up for what What’s On Tonight wants to do, baby!


Bonnie & Clyde (TCM, 8 p.m.): They’re young! They’re in love! They co-opt the French New Wave to create a film that now seems a little quaint because of how thoroughly the American film industry has chewed upon it and spat out the gristle! But we assure you it’s still a pretty wonderful movie, all said!

Women’s college basketball: Texas A&M at LSU (ESPN2, 9 p.m.): Football is over. Baseball is still a couple of months away. It’s the time of the year when What’s On Tonight knows even less about sports than it usually does, so we’ll just say, “Fuck it!” and assume this basketball game may be of interest.

Super Bowl XLVII (Sunday):
We always say what we really want is a “good game,” but not when our beloved San Francisco 49ers come out on the losing side of it! Seriously! What the hell was up with that last throw to Crabtree?! Or that blackout?! Cory Casciato watched it all so you didn’t have to watch.