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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled iHung/i: “Fuck Me, Mr. Drecker” Or “Let’s Not Go To Jail”
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It’s got to be a healthy blend of disconcerting and awesome for Ray to have a former student continuing to call him “Mr. Drecker” all the way up to the moment she climaxes. Then again, maybe it isn't: When it’s over and done with, Logan slips back into her house to rejoin her party, while he finds himself smirking over the fact that he’s found himself in the company of a woman who, however facetiously she may have asked the question, wants to know what he wants.

At the same time, Tanya’s got her own question to answer: Why did she bail Charlie out of jail? Although she’s mystified as to why a real cop, Lydia, would get her kicks by staying in uniform (for my part, it never occurred to me at any point that she wasn’t a real cop), the real issue at hand is that, as a real cop, they can’t kick Lydia to the curb as a customer, lest she decide to haul them in on prostitution charges. As Tanya frets, she asks Charlie for his advice on the matter, but when she promptly dismisses what he has to offer, he asks the aforementioned question. Her only response is a twitch of her jaw.


At least Ray’s got an answer to his question: He wants to party. Any number of jokes about balls, sticks, and holes could be made about his heretofore-unrevealed talent as a pool shark, but before we can even make any, he’s already getting busy with Logan in the back room, following which they hit the dance floor and get down to a little Wild Cherry. When the hangover strikes, however, Logan’s quick to indicate that her vision of the future extends no farther than taking a shower and going back to bed. At least Ray’s conscious of the fact that she’s got him in the palm of her hand, but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t still going to end up obsessing over the situation, thereby screwing up a good thing.

Jessica’s obsessed with doing a good job and staying in Dr. Matt’s employ, so much so that she’s making herself unhealthy in the process. Thank God, then, for the healing power of Guys and Dolls… which, if I’m to be honest, I wouldn’t have been able to identify without the help of Google. Dr. Matt knows far more about musicals than myself, however, leading him not only to pick up “Adelaide’s Lament” but, indeed, to pick up Jessica, taking her first to see “The Man of La Mancha” (anyone from the Detroit area care to hazard a guess where the hell that film would’ve been playing?), then to see his boudoir. Sadly, no one ever told Dr. Matt that, although singing show tunes has proved to be a great aphrodisiac in some relationships, their success rate in straight relationships simply isn’t what it used to be.


Lenore just keeps upping her weekly bitch quotient, shifting her original promise to hook Sandee up with an HDTV and clarifying that she’s only offering something from the scratch-and-dent section of the electronics store. Interestingly, Jason’s trying to have his cake and eat it, too, and after Lenore blows off his attempt to pull more money per customer, I have to wonder how long it’s going to be before he and Sandee decide to branch out on their own. I mean, if she’s willing to trade her tolerance of the situation for an HDTV, then who knows how far she’ll go?

Ray attempts to play the “it’s not you, it’s me” routine on Lydia, who, rather surprisingly, turns out to be a sweet, sympathetic character… right up until she smacks him in the face while they’re having sex in the bathroom. Still, he’s momentarily smitten by seeing her non-uniformed side, leading him to more or less commit to keeping her as a customer. Sort of. Which is to say that, as far as he’s concerned, he’s done. He just didn’t manage to clarify anything of the sort of Lydia. The whole situation frustrates the hell out of Tanya, who goes back to Lydia and implies that Ray’s leaving the business and tries to paint herself as the sympathetic character, an effort which fails miserably. “Do you think I give a shit what your problems are?” asks Lydia, who plunks a wad of cash on the table and demands that a burglar show up at her house at 10 p.m.


Unfortunately, Ray’s made himself unavailable. He’s too busy on the bumper cars to answer his phone. But desperation has often led Tanya to inspiration, and with Jason’s frustration over the situation with Lenore, the timing couldn’t be more perfect for him to step out on his pimp and save the day for Tanya… except he doesn’t. Instead, he gets a punch in the face, and Ray gets arrested. It’s a hell of a way for the guy to end an otherwise fantastic evening which had involved getting down on the dock (and incidentally putting on a show for his rarely-seen neighbors) and a fascinating discourse on Columbus, delivered in nothing but a football helmet and a jock strap. Personally, I’m of the suspicion that Lydia’s merely arresting Ray as part of an expanded version of her original sexual fantasy, but we’ll find out soon enough, I reckon.

Stray observations:

  • “Man, why do you ask me this shit? I mean, you come to me for advice like I’m some sort of magical Yoda negro, but you don’t listen.”
  • Aaaaaaand it looks like Logan’s not the only former student who’s bemused by good ol’ Mr. Drecker partying with them. If things don’t work out with Logan, what are the odds that Ray’s going to make himself a staple of the class reunion circuit?
  • “Oh, Richard, I enjoy you! I enjoy you so much!”
  • “Men and their fucking penises!”
  • Is Mike turning around and glaring at Ray going to be the sum total of screen time allotted to Gregg Henry this season?
  • “Am I hurting you? Am I too big? I’m too big.”
  • As Ray wrapped his near-naked history lesson, was that the most we’ve ever actually seen of his member?
  • “You’re 43 years old. What are you doing?” Uh, is that rhetorical? Dude’s having a blast!
  • This Tanya / Charlie relationship is turning into something remarkably sweet, which begs the question, “How long ‘til the whole thing goes belly up?” Can’t be much longer, surely. Tanya’s not nearly as entertaining when she’s happy.
  • Am I the only one who was surprised when Logan stroked Ray a check at the end of the episode? It never occurred to me that he was continuing to pay her for his time at that point. But maybe I'm just naive. (It wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of such.)

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