How To Subtly Indicate That You Are A Sassy Chef:

1. Four words: Shocking pink chef's coat. One more word: Shiny. You wanna really burn out people's retinas with your choice of chef's coat. It's like, "Boom! I'm here. What's that? You're blinded by my painfully fuschia attire? That's right, suckas. Now you can concentrate on my flavor profiles!"


2.  Hold your spoon with 'tude.  Yes, 'tude. You have so much attitude, you can't even be bothered to say the whole word.

3. Hire a Clay Aiken look-alike in a black wig to stand behind you pretending to talk on his cell and wagging his "Oh no you didn't" finger. Sass attracts sass, and sassy chefs have sassy waitstaff.

4. Have a cocktail waitress with a tray full of technicolor-hued cosmos stand near you. There is nothing sassier than drinks that will stain your tongue a bright color. Also "sassy" often translates to "drunk."


5. Use the word "naughty" (pronounced "naaaaaaaauuughty") whenever possible. Naughty is the new sassy.

Most chefs will only try for one or two of the above suggestions, but Chef Blythe from Oxygen's new catastrophe, The Naughty Ktichen, has managed to do all five at once. The result? A cooking show that is trying so hard to convey personality and "sassitude," the promo photo is almost sweating glitter. You can wrap it in a hot-pink feather boa, Oxygen, but that doesn't change the fact that this is one cooking show too many.  Also, people who describe themselves as "naughty" invariably mean, "I ate three fried oreos."