How To Freak Minds

1. Hair: Weirdo, late-Bon-Jovi bob texturized with what appears to be motor oil. The motor oil element is key, because just a glimpse of your appearance will stir a swirl of questions like, Is that motor oil in his hair? Why would someone do that? Is that Chris Gaines? etc. The freakage has begun.

2. Never underestimate the power of an unwavering stare. It's unsettling and, therefore, freaky. Wearing several silver crosses, rings, and bracelets, as well as an anarchy symbol patch on your jeans will help to further unsettle your audience, because they'll (logically) start to believe that there has been some kind of rip in the space-time continuum. How else could a mallrat from 1997 end up in a desert performing magic?

3. Sleeves = staid. Button-down muscle shirt open to the navel = so freaky people's minds will vibrate.

4. When all the other elements are in place, break a large mirror and squat disconcertingly on top of it like an angry, magical frog. Lots of people break large mirrors in the desert–that's not that freaky. But the fact that you're squatting on top of the broken shards of glass? That body language alone is sheer freakiosity. It's like, what weird thing will he squat on next? A broken windshield? A bag of all-purpose flour that's been shot at point-blank range? A mosaic of Princess Diana's face made from several tiny photographs of Elton John? Sand? The mind endlessly reels toward freakdom.

Most mindfreakers stop short of the shattered mirror squat, but Criss Angel has managed to do all four steps in this photograph. His reward? Judging NBC's upcoming illusionist reality competition, Phenomenon, aka, America's Next Top MindFreak.