Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled emHostages/em concludes its boring story with two more hours of it

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, January 6. All times are Eastern.

Hostages (CBS, 9 p.m.): Tonight, on a night devoid of nearly all over regular programming, CBS offers a post-holiday gift: Not just one, but two episodes of Hostages, back-to-back, in a very special two-hour finale event. Ellen will finally operate on the president of the United States, everyone! THAT WHICH WAS PROMISED TO US IN THE PILOT WILL FINALLY COME TO PASS. And lo, America shall shake off its burdens, for it will no longer be held hostage by the cold, steely gaze of Dylan McDermott or the razor-sharp bangs of Toni Collette's wig. What revelations await us tonight? Sonia Saraiya doesn't know, and you know, she doesn't care that much, either. Unless it gets renewed for a second season. Oh God, what if it gets renewed for a second season?

Almost Human (Fox, 8 p.m.): Almost Human kicks off the second half of its first season with an episode about a criminal who likes to strap bombs to his victims' necks and then broadcast what happens to the waiting Internet. Kevin McFarland is just like that, but with truth. TRUTH BOMBS.


Teen Wolf (MTV, 10 p.m.): This teen drama returns with a mid-season premiere that has Scott, Stiles, and Allison suffering side effects from the ritual sacrifice. Phil Dyess-Nugent knows exactly how that is.

Antiques Roadshow (PBS, 8 p.m.): The first hour of the show's excursion to Boise, Idaho. Appraised: crockery designed by Picasso and a first edition of the Book Of Mormon. (But is it signed?)


The Bachelor (ABC, 8 p.m.): The season of Juan Pablo Galavis commences. After failing to impress last season's Bachelorette, Desiree Hartsock, the former soccer player is now taking his chances with 27 women he's never met. From the press release: “Although not looking forward to having to send any of these beautiful bachelorettes home, he soon forgets about that when he hears the first screams of excitement from the limousines. It's obvious the women are out to make a memorable first impression. A gorgeous nurse pulls out a stethoscope and lets him listen to her heart. A free-spirited hippie decides to go barefoot. A vivacious dancer invites him to show her his sexy salsa moves. The real showstopper is a music composer who arrives on a ‘piano bike,’ playing her own composition. Not to be outdone, one woman shows up seven months pregnant. Is it a stunt or an OMG real moment?”

Mystery Diners (Food Network, 10 p.m.): Fifth-season premiere. In “Tastes Like Chicken,” undercover operatives investigate whether or not meat is being served in a vegan restaurant.


House Hunters (HGTV, 10 p.m.): “Germaphobe And Husband Look For Clean House In Maryland.”

The Princess Bride (Starz, 7:15 p.m.): The Dread Pirate Roberts kidnaps the most beautiful girl in the world, or at least in the top five, or at least her breasts are in the top five. And a guy named Inigo Montoya keeps introducing himself.


Moonrise Kingdom (MOMAX, 9 p.m.): Wes Anderson's charming film about two kids falling in love and then running away.

BCS Championship Game: Auburn vs. Florida State (ESPN, 8:25 p.m.): In this last week of what we call the Bowl Championship Series, a matchup for the history books: Both Auburn and Florida State had great seasons, but Auburn roared up out of nowhere to claim the number-two ranking in the BCS, trailing FSU's perfect season with what is one of the best offenses in the country (albeit dogged by a rape accusation that cast a pall on their success). If you're into football, this promises to be a great game. If you're not, expect a lot of yelling on your Twitter feed.


Revenge: Emily Thorne got shot in the chest while wearing her wedding gown and then plummeted into the Atlantic Ocean a few weeks ago. But she's not dead, she's just… waiting. For more revenge. Carrie Raisler has the scoop.


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