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I'm confused. That's two Heroes episodes in a row that didn't make me want to feed my dick to a bunch of hungry dick termites, and somehow the world continues to exist? It's just as the Mayans predicted: Roughly a week or so after the autumnal equinox, three years before the year 2012, and a month and a half before a tiny arthouse film of the same name comes out, nothing will fucking make sense anymore.

But, as the Mayan's also predicted, in rhyme: "When Hiro, Ando, and Tracy are not in an episode / That is a really, really, really good episode."


That's not to say the episode didn't have its many downsides, which is as good a place as any to start. For though there's no Hando or Trace-2-O, there was Parkman. Good lord, Parkman. I'm not quite sure what happened to Greg Grunberg since the early parts of season one, but he went from playing genuine curiosity to ham-fisted bewilderment, and hasn't looked back since. Recall, if you will, that Sylar is now in his head, and tormenting him until he goes out and gets Sylar his body back. And not only is Sylar able to talk to Parkman, but he's starting to become very persuasive. In a very important scene that really doesn't mean much the more I think about it, Parkman convinces his partner he's actually fine to get involved with a new case—throwing that chair last week apparently got him in a bit of trouble—and he sets out to take down this drug dealer guy. After it becomes clear he's having difficulty, Sylar steps in and saves Parkman's life by locating the dealer, then helps Parkman find a pink stuffed bunny, ransom note, and dead girl in the wall. For this, Parkman kicks the shit out of the guy, and with good cause. Well, not really. Sylar, apparently, has the power now to make Parkman see whatever he wants—Parkman's power. On any other character, this would be a pretty cool reveal, and it'd hint at that character becoming pretty evil in the future. On Parkman, though, I doubt he even realizes he's supposed to be acting in a TV series—moving pictures shot in the biiiiiiig city.

And while the Parkman stuff took an episode to wind up, the Claire story tonight went from cold-hearted bitch to fiery future ladyfest in the span of, what, a few hours of TV time? Yeah, around that. Gretchen—or, as my friend pointed out, Olive Oil—is curious about seeing Claire fall to her death, pick herself up, and suffer nary a scratch, so she's been stalking her and inviting herself along to lunches with Mr. Bennet. And Mr. Bennet cares about his Claire Bear (CB count in this ep: one) so much. So, so much. But not enough to realize that Claire is sending him obvious signs that she doesn't want Gretchen to come. But come she does, and soon the three are eating tikka masala at some Houlihan's with a really great menu. They talk, they eat (on YOM KIPPUR, no less), and soon Claire decides, what the hell, let's bring Gretchen into the fold. So the two of them retire to Claire's abode, light candles, turn on soft music, take off their overshirts, look at each other longingly, and then who knows. They're roommates now. Sensual roommates. Cat sounds! (My favorite part of that scene was the cutaway to the fire right before the end; if anything, Heroes is ambitious with its directing.)

There was also a new character. She can see colors instead of hear sounds. She's deaf, and really serves no purpose, except that she apparently set Peter's heart aflutter. She must be Irish.


Ok, I'm done with the ranting. Here's what was cool:

The carnies continue to be the best part of the show. In this one, Samuel travels to New York in search of Peter, a guy who can pick up any power. He shows up at the hospital first to put himself on Peter's radar, then goes to Peter's house to place himself into a newspaper photo to seal the deal. (Oh yeah, about that: Thankfully, Samuel makes his power very clear at the top of the episode. Seems he can move the earth. Can he also control ink? APPARENTLY! Is ink dirt? SCIENCE!) He also gives Peter a spinning compass tattoo when Peter shakes his hand in apology, and then creates a sink hole to destroy some house he tried to get into. It wasn't the most exciting plotline, but Samuel's character continues to tease a darker side to Heroes so sorely lacking in previous seasons. I found myself genuinely wondering what the master plan is here.


And while I find Parkman insufferable, the whole Sylar making Parkman see false things? I… didn't see that coming. That was really cool.

Know what else I didn't see coming? The fact that the whole exchange between Darth Maul and the tattoo lady was a fuckin' Sprint commercial. Goddammit, Heroes: The more things change, the more they stay the Houlihan's.


Grade: C+

Stray observations:

  • I'm fine with Sylar doing stuff on the show still, but isn't it time to do away with the menacing clock sounds?
  • That final scene with Peter and the girl was Cinderella-like. Is he going to go around now, fitting all ladies with the headphones he found, in search of the right fit?
  • Tracy = Alex Mack. Think about it.

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