Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, March 5. All times are Eastern.

Alcatraz (Fox, 8 p.m.):
It’s a rather slow night for TV, simply because a.) Mondays are usually slow, and b.) it’s no longer February sweeps, so the pattern of repeats to new episodes is going to start to seem a little random. Fortunately (?), Fox appears to be cutting its losses on the rapidly-shedding-audience Alcatraz and is airing two episodes tonight, which will give all of you looking for an awkward blend of police procedural and science fiction drama something to do for at least two hours of your evening. The rest of you can just hang out in comments and chat with the always enjoyable Will Harris.


The Voice (NBC, 8 p.m.):
So, as it turns out, NBC was unable to figure out a way to make this show all auditions, which means it’s time for the rapidly-diminishing-returns-y excitement of the battle rounds. Emily Yoshida will be there, provided she can defeat one of our other reviewers in a review-off.

Being Human (Syfy, 9 p.m.): Tonight’s episode title: “I’ve Got You Under Your Skin.” Normally, we’d just groan and ask the show to stop changing the names of song titles to fit its vaguely supernatural needs, but this one has kind of an edge to it. Phil Dyess-Nugent once had himself under his skin. He got a rash.


RuPaul’s Drag Race (Logo, 9 p.m.): We think it’s sort of cool that RuPaul has built this Logo empire and become a reality TV kingpin. If we’re being honest, we think Ru deserves it far more than that Tyra Banks. Oliver Sava mostly agrees with us, but he’d rather not piss off Tyra. She’ll come at you!

Smash (NBC, 10 p.m.): Tonight’s episode is entitled “Let’s Be Bad,” and that’s just a bad idea all around, as a certain portion of your audience is going to go all Statler and Waldorf on you and say, “You don’t need to start being bad.” Noel Murray will laugh, but he’ll also give the show time to find itself.

Scrubs (11 a.m.):
We’ve finally come to an episode of Scrubs that Myles McNutt just doesn’t have much to say about, and it only took a full season and part of a second one to get to that point. Myles is as surprised about this as you are, but he vows to soldier on and write all the more for next week’s piece.


Batman: The Animated Series (1 p.m.): Oliver Sava reviews an episode called “Avatar,” and it apparently has nothing to do with blue people, a mystical war between light and dark, or the Ultima series of computer games. Instead, it’s all about Ra’s al Ghul, the supervillain who’s always good for a laugh.

Family Feud (GSN, 7 p.m.):
Since it’s such a slow night tonight, we wouldn’t be offended if you spent the entire night watching old episodes of Family Feud on the Game Show Network. In fact, we think that might be what we do. Let’s survey 100 commenters on what they’ll watch tonight and see.


The Bachelor: The Women Tell All (ABC, 8 p.m.): Apparently, the women have some things to say about whatever it is that the bachelor did on this latest season of the show. We haven’t really been paying attention, but the magazine covers at the supermarket sure seem angry about whatever’s happening.

The Lying Game (ABC Family, 9 p.m.): It’s the first season finale of this show where long-lost identical twins switch places, and in an even weirder twist, Charisma Carpenter—who starred in a story very like this for Lifetime—is guest starring in tonight’s episode. What’s up with all the weird twin storylines?

Love Broker (Bravo, 10 p.m.): Jessica Jardine checks out the latest new reality show from Bravo, which sounds like it might be a real-life version of The Love-matic Grampa from The Simpsons but is probably just about real people looking for their soulmates. How boring! We wanted a talking love tester!


The Outlaw Josey Wales (Reelz, 8 p.m.): Here comes Clint Eastwood, ready to make your day (yes, we know that’s a different movie) and give you a night of good, old-fashioned Western excitement. In addition to starring, Eastwood directed this one, in one of his first turns behind the camera.

Wild Things (MoMax, 9 p.m.): We can’t say we “recommend” this movie, if you’ve never seen it, but if you’re looking for a steamy potboiler that’s completely self-aware about its ridiculousness, well, there are few better examples than this. And Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, of course.

NHL Hockey: Sabres at Jets (NBC Sports, 8 p.m.): So, as it turns out, there’s a hockey team in Winnipeg again, and they’ve been named the Jets, just like it was 1986 again or something. Anyway, here’s your chance to catch them on TV, and it’s even broadcast from Winnipeg! How exciting that will be!


Californication (Sunday):
It’s all too easy to forget that Rob Lowe—yes, that Rob Lowe—plays a recurring character on this show, who’s meant to be sort of the worst pretty boy movie star in the history of the world. Kenny Herzog never forgets, but, then, he’s Rob Lowe’s number one super fan.